Missing

Right, that’s it, I’ve had enough, I’m ready to go now…well not literally. I don’t have everything booked yet, I have no money, and I don’t even have a backpack! So maybe I’m not technically ready but my mind is already wandering away. I find myself randomly staring into space JD style and I daydream about my trip.

What’s the worst that can happen? That’s what someone said to me before they backtracked and thought about it and we both laughed. During my planning stage a volcano has erupted in Japan, cyclones and floods have plagued parts of Australia and now an earthquake in New Zealand. Mother Nature is having a field day at the moment. If it doesn’t stop I fear my mum might imprison me or blackmail me to stay.

At the moment my thoughts are leaning more towards change and adjustment. It’s rather strange. I could be doing something inane like brushing my teeth and I think “hmm, I won’t have an electric toothbrush whilst I’m away…”. Or I’ll be straightening my hair and think “I am going to have a LOT of bad hair days next year.”  Whilst getting changed, I reach into the bottomless pit that is my wardrobe, and I sometimes think – “what the hell am I going to wear whilst I’m away?!” It’s endless! I also keep thinking about what I’ll miss and what I won’t miss. When my mum asks for a play-by-play of what I will be doing when I go out I keep thinking “soon I will be freeee!”. That’s the punishment for not moving out I guess. I have always said I can’t afford to move out. I can’t really say that now seen as I will have spent, in total, the same amount of money people use as a deposit on a house or a fancy wedding!

I’m going all High Fidelity on you guys…

Top 5 things I think I’ll miss:

1. A wardrobe – what would usually be a sufficient amount of clobber for a weekend away needs to last me a year. Is the hobo look in this year?
   
   
2. Mummy’s cooking – Yes I still have my tea cooked for me sometimes…ok most of the time, haha. Well if it’s on offer it would be rude not to eat it surely. I hear New Zealand is good for cake so there’ll be at least one place where I can have a yummy dessert.
   
   
3. Shower and other home comforts - I will miss my hot steamy power showers. I'm not a bath person so I'm not bothered about that. For the prices I'll be paying, I'm not optimistic about the facilities which await me! I’ve booked an en suite room for when I do my voluntary work in Thailand, but that could mean anything! Karl Pilkington's reaction in An Idiot Abroad where he thought he was getting a plush ride from Sky was hilarious. There was one scene where he was told he was getting an en-suite room and when he arrived it was a cupboard with a hole in the bottom. I couldn't find the scene on YouTube but there is the moment in China which makes me laugh.
   
   
4. Duvet days – not that I get much of them now, what with working every day, but I think I’ll definitely miss those days where you wake up and do absolutely nothing but envelope yourself in your duvet and read/watch DVDs/eat Ben & Jerrys etc etc. See I’ll be sleeping in dorms so privacy isn’t an option. I do have moments where I’m halfway between being awake and asleep and not really knowing where I am. This could be at home, at a mate’s house, in a hotel or whatever so I do fear I’ll wake up and think that I’m at home and do something crazy like belt out the first song that pops in my head. I do tend to randomly break into song. One day at work I started singing Mr Sandman and one of the directors joined in. It was a surreal but funny moment. I might try that when I’m having a down day and am missing home. Not sure Mr Sandman was a worldwide hit though. I might get sectioned! That’s another thing, no more singing in the shower. Daaaamn. Well I could…but I doubt it’d go down well.
   
   
5. Being connected – I sound like a BT advert but I will definitely miss having my phone and being able to text/call/google whenever I want. I hope I can update my blog a few times a month and hope to get a sim card in Australia where I’ll be spending most of my time.

Top 5 things I don’t think I’ll miss:

1. Schedules and updates – Sorry Mum but I miss my uni days where I could roam free and not have to submit a step-by-step POA to my parents. “Where are you going? Who with? Ooo a boy, what’s this now? What time are you going out? What time will you be back?...” Argh! My brother had none of this. Yes I am pulling out the gender card, sue me! I am hardly ever spontaneous so I am looking forward to just going free! It can take months to organise things with friends so perhaps the “Being connected” point above might not be such a bad thing. Rather than texting back and forth or Facebooking people, I can sort things out in person.
   
   
2. Work – I’m actually enjoying my second job. I’m not sat in an office on my own and I get to talk to people, real-life people face-to-face and everything! So it’s not the job in itself that I won’t miss, more like the stress that it induces. No more waking up at daft-o-clock suddenly realising that someone in Milton Keynes needs a new sim card. I am also realising that I am fast becoming Roy in the IT Crowd – “Have you tried switching it off and on again?” or “Have you tried logging off and logging back on again?”. I am IT administrator and I deal with mobile phones so it’s double the joy. I will be working in Oz but it will only be manual jobs so hopefully the social aspect will shine over the back breaking hard labour part!
   
   
3. People – I put that as a general term as there are so many different types which I won’t miss. The great thing about travelling is that if a friendship or what-not blows up in my face, I’ll be catching a flight soon and I may never see them again. I’m not saying this in a way that I’m going to be a complete dick to everyone, speak my mind and sod the rest and walk in with a superior attitude, no no no. What I mean is that I can totally be myself and I’ll (hopefully!) meet so many people that I’ll find at least one or two people that I don’t want to punch in the face after 5 minutes of conversation. Back of the neeeet.
   
   
4. Facebook – for me, it is like the infamous activity of rubbernecking past a car crash or crime scene. I know what I’m getting, I might not necessarily like what I see but I can’t help but have a peek. Facebook is bullshit. Let’s face it, I could write any old thing on my status and it means nothing. Just because someone writes about how spectacular their life is, doesn’t make it so. I do like the dramatics though. The people who post a status along the lines of  - “Oh my God, I can’t believe what just happened. Why could life be so cruel?” And loads of people comment and either a) they don’t actually say what is wrong – pffft or b) the answer is something pathetic like “Did you just see what happened in Eastenders? It’s awful.” So no, they’re not suffering bereavement or are going through a tragic moment…they’re just taking Eastenders a little bit too seriously. So as much as I like that Facebook keeps me in touch with a few people I don’t get to see as much these days, I definitely won’t miss the ludicrousness.
   
   
5. Pressure – the same conversation keeps following me. Careers and degree. “So what do you want to do with your life?” and “Why aren’t you using your degree?”. Judgement. I don’t know what I want to do, do you? But I always feel embarrassed and try and blag my way out of the conversation which usually ends up with me wanting to punch them in the face (a running theme perhaps). No matter what I say people tend to shit on it so now I respond with a simple “I don’t know. I’m in no rush.” I thought this would be the easier option. Instead, I get people throwing suggestions at me “Why don’t you get onto that BBC and get a job there?” and so on and so forth. It’s like I need saving. If you don’t have a career plan you’re doomed, doomed I tell you!!

Around The World In 80 Shags

I have quite a turbulent relationship with my local doctors. I’ve used the same doctor’s surgery for over 13 years and they still treat me like an idiot so I try to limit my visits to repeat prescription check-ups and emergencies. Unfortunately I have no choice in the matter when it comes to my travel jabs. So off I went to speak to the nurse, eugh…

It went off to good start (shocking!) and we discussed the jabs I need to have before I go:

3 for Hep A/B
Booster jabs for Tetanus and MMR
2 for Japanese encephalitis (travel clinic)
Rabies (optional)

I decided to skip the last one. It’s £110 and it doesn’t actually prevent me from getting rabies but softens the blow if I was to get it. It’s for protection in Thailand so I just need to stay out of the way of any “pets” that are foaming at the mouth! I also need to take malaria tablets for Thailand. Other than that I am good to go…

So far so good. Nurse told me I can get my first jab there and then (Hep A/B) and kept saying “as you’ve never had hepatitis…”. Well…errr…I have had hepatitis of the liver. This is another thing which annoys me about my doctor’s surgery, they never bloody read my medical history. I’ve gone to the docs a few times since my lurgy in 2008 and each time I had to go through everything that happened. I think I should write a bullet list, laminate it, and hand it over as it’d save me a lot of hassle. She nearly fell off her chair when I told her I had my gallbladder removed. And so began the downhill decent from knowledgeable helpful nurse, to patronising judgemental witch face nurse.

Here’s how the rest went:

Me: So I normally take the pill but while I’m away I don’t think it would be very convenient for me. Especially if I pick up a sickness bug and there’s more of a chance that I’ll forget to take it. I was wondering what the alternatives are as I’d actually prefer if I didn’t have a period while I’m away.

Nurse (with a look of disgust): Well you can’t do that. It’s not healthy to stop your period for that long.

Me: So there’s nothing at all that can help me?

Nurse: Well there is the coil but I don’t think that would be right for you. Have you had children?

Me: No

Nurse: Ok, because of that, it will hurt. It won’t protect you from STDs whilst you’re out there either.

What I wanted to say at this point – I know that you stupid patronising old cow. Neither does the pill, which I’ve been on since I was 14 years old. I’m fully aware of what a condom is.

However, nurse was the one with the needle, so I felt I best leave the power with her. Plus I’m going to be coming back quite a few times to get further jabs so best just nod and smile.

Me: Yes, I know - nodding and smiling

Nurse: Have you been screened recently?

Me: No.

Nurse: Ok. I think you should be tested for Chlamydia.

WTF!!

Me: Oh, ok. (I could be Catholic for all she knew. No questions about my sexual history. She couldn’t be bothered looking at my medical history so probably has no clue who I am…and where I’ve been so it seems!)

Nurse: Instructions are inside. You even get a free pen!

Me: Thanks. (Jeeeez)

Nurse: Ok so I think the coil will be the best solution for you.

Wheeeey! I did say that…

Me: Ok.

Nurse goes on to explain what the coil entails and that I will need to book an appointment at the family planning clinic for coil counselling. I held in my laughter at that statement. Not that I believe everything that's reported in the media, but I'm sure I read that in some places 12 year olds could access the pill from their school nurse. Me, I need counselling!

Nurse: reaches in her draw for a needle to jab me with - But of course you must remember to take condoms with you. Practising safe sex is important when you’re travelling.

Sidenote: A statement which is fine in itself but given the patronising tone and sideways tilt of her head, I just wanted to reach over and stick that needle…Ok, ok. I’m calm. I must also add that nurse said condoms with a broken soft tone that Miranda (see 10:30mins) uses for words which make her uncomfortable. For older audiences Lily Savage used to use the same intonation when saying lesbian. So my nurse can’t even say condoms properly. Great!

Although irritating, it’s something I’ve grown used to. I don’t seem to have a face of believability. It happens every time I come into contact with nurses/doctors. They’ve obviously not heard that I’m a shite liar. I don’t think such points are added to medical notes…not that it would matter, they remain unread anyway!

So nurse seems to think I’m going to shag my way around the world and give everyone Chlamydia all because I don't want to take a break from the pill. I don’t have a problem being screened - it’s just the way she dropped it in like a final twist of the knife. My counselling appointment is this week so hopefully I’ll be speaking to someone who can pronounce condoms and not treat me like a naïve uneducated skank! Ahh, the joys of the NHS…

Mo Money, Mo Money, Mo Money

People say that time flies when you’re having fun. Well time is definitely flying, but I’m not sure about how much fun I’m having as I don’t have time to think!

I have been pretty busy so it’s not like I’ve been sat on my arse doing nothing and woke up and suddenly realised it’s February! Hmm, shame. A tip for those who struggle to get motivated - do everything in your power to restrict how much free time you have. It works!

In January I managed to find and start a second job as a waitress (yey!), book and pay for a tour and working visa in Oz, start a photography course and I’ve started writing film reviews again. It’s not a famously popular website but it’s keeping my portfolio alive and I get free DVDs so it’s all good.

I actually quite like my second job which is surprising. I just wanted another job, any job, that would bring in some extra pennies towards the trip so a likeable job is a bonus! It is weird working every day but it’s not forever.

I’m still a bit shaky but I’m getting there. If I was working there every day I’d have nailed it by now but I find I do a couple of shifts and am ok, then have a few days away, go back and start panicking again. I’m such a stresshead! I find that telling customers I’m new really diffuses the situation. I’m playing the pity card, why not?

It is a family restaurant so there have been challenging moments. I nearly trod on a child last week and I had a tray full of glasses just waiting to topple over. I don’t know why the child felt the need to lie on the floor and roll towards me, but hey! Oh and I have dropped things too. You don’t have to be a psychic to predict that one. Only two occasions so far. First to go was a tray of 3 drinks. It was right next to the bar, in front of a load of people waiting to be seated. Marvellous. More embarrassingly, I managed to flick cream onto a guy‘s…area, haha. That part of the dessert was NOT on the menu. I didn’t attempt to mop it up. I looked at him, we both blushed, and I bolted…

My new job and course have given me a chance to get an honest reaction to my trip. Before now, the only people that know I’m going are friends or people who know me. The reaction has been positive and encouraging which is nice but there’s always a chance that they’re telling a little white lie to avoid hurting my feelings. Just like I would rather someone tell me I look fantastic in a dress rather than tell me I need to lay off the cakes. I’d prefer the support thanks. It helps with the nerves!

This feeling became more apparent with the first, rather dramatic, reaction. “You’re going on your own!!!” (open mouthed, eyes bulging). Ssshhhh, yes I’m going on my own, don’t say it like THAT!! I’m a realist so I’m fully aware of the risks involved in what I’m doing but I want to enjoy my time away so all that scary stuff gets pushed to the back of my mind. The way I see it is that bad things can happen to anyone, at any time and in any location. Life can be cruel and you really can’t tell what’s around the corner. It’s a realisation that has encouraged me to do this in the first place! So I'm not hiding away from the fact that things might go wrong and bad things might happen but I'm not going to let those kind of thoughts take over and ruin my trip. One of my friends says that some of the best times can come from the shittest times when travelling. Here here! In your face naysayer!

The others reacted with a little shock to the idea of me going alone and asked me how old I am.
Sidenote – People at my second job think that I am 19/20. Haha! I keep getting asked what I’m studying at college. I ask them how old they think I am and it ranges between 19 and 21. I should have lied but I’m a shockingly bad liar so I wouldn’t get very far with that one!
So knowing I was a little older than the typical student gapper, they skipped the “going alone” part and asked me more about my trip. Both agreed with my reasons for going and said they were very jealous. See, that’s better. I know I shouldn’t really take it all to heart but it’s something I’ve never done before so it is a little daunting!

I’ve also decided to take every piece of travel advice/information with a pinch of salt as I’ll read something about a country and then a few days later find something that totally contradicts it. It’s rather annoying but it does make me laugh. I’m just going have to find out the hard way, dammit.

Going Solo vs. Tours

Top 5 Reasons For Travelling Alone:

1. No compromising. I get to go wherever I want to go and don't have to worry about whether the person I'm travelling with is having as much fun as I am, or vice versa! I'm an incessant people pleaser so this just wouldn't work.
2. No arguments. A 2 week holiday is hard enough, but a year would surely end in someone getting throttled.
3. I can control how my time is spent. Sometimes I love nothing more than being social and chatting about silly things and recounting old stories. But there are other times where I'd like to be alone with my thoughts. If I get on with a group of people then great, if not, I can just walk away.
4. No scapegoat. Whatever happens is my doing. This will be great when I meet certain people, have certain experiences and achieve even the simplest of tasks (imagine the moment at the top of the steps in the Rocky films. That will be me when I've managed to navigate myself to the nearest toilet or somewhere equally important!).
5. I don't have to worry about splitting costs. Travelling is expensive (durr!) and every penny will count. I don’t want to have to split pennies over a can of Sprite!

I always thought it would be nice to travel with someone. If anything was to go wrong I'd much rather have someone I know right there with me. Plus, anyone and everyone has a better sense of direction than myself so not having the burden of worrying about directions etc would be a massive relief! It'd be great to have someone with me to share all the experiences and recount all the memories in times to come...

But planning this trip gave me time to think and really…I think I'd be better off going alone! I don't think I;d have the strength or patience to have someone else with me! That sounds terrible but I like my own space and I've always been quite independent. I'd like to be able to dictate my own time. Of course, I'm not a complete loner and I am looking forward to meeting new people and gauging the cultural stereotypes. But as you can see with my top 5 above, I think I'm going to get a lot more out of this trip if I go alone. Booking this trip is completely out of character for me so I think having someone there holding my hand for the duration (well not literally, I don't think any of my mates would appreciate that kind of attention!) would take the edge off it a bit.

The alternative of going with someone is booking a tour. The very thought of a tour makes me cringe. Out of a handful of people, there is bound to be one drainer. I’m sorry but there’s no polite way of putting it! Don't get me wrong, not everybody is programmed to get on with everyone else so I'm not proclaiming to be some legendary super-being that everyone likes. But…you know what I mean right? Even the guy that I'm booking my trip with couldn’t lie to me and said he’s had his fair share of brilliant and disastrous tours.

Well I've gone against everything I believe in and have booked an 8 day tour in America. I'm also planning on booking a trip to Niagara Falls and the Ultimate Lei in Fiji. I feel that if I do run out of money or have to budget hard in some places, at least there'll be parts of my trip that are paid for so, at those points, I won't be homeless and will be guaranteed food of some description.

I feel like everything's coming together now. I still have two trips to book but the dates haven't been released yet so there's nothing I can do about that. You can only book things 11 months in advance which sounds reasonable but it's a pain in the arse for a year long RTW trip! I wish I could just pay everything off now so I don't have to think about that side of things anymore. I still have my first day's accommodation to book and I need to sort a visa for Thailand and an ESTA for America. More paperwork, greeeat. I do feel a little more relaxed in the sense that, whenever something goes wrong or I'm having an off moment at work I just think "Screw it. In just over six months time I will be away from all this crap." It's a refreshing attitude to have and makes it easier to let things go.

Days left: 207 days left