The Plan

Blackadder: Baldrick, I have a very, very, very cunning

plan.

Baldrick: Is it as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor

of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on, and is

now working for the UN at the High Commission of

International Cunning Planning?

Blackadder: Yes, it is.

Baldrick: Mm... That's cunning!

Blackadder Back & Forth

Wow, only 125 days ‘til the big day. OK that may sound like a lot to you, but for the amount of stuff that I have left to organise, it doesn’t seem that far away. I’m getting there, slowly but surely! This month I’ve bought my backpack, have a rough plan of where I’m going in Japan and have booked my first night’s stay. Every little step that goes towards organising my trip gives me a natural high. It’s the same feeling I get when I count the money in my tips jar. I’ve got enough to fan my face but no where near enough to throw in the air and writhe around in American Beauty style. One day…

I try not to think about the planning side of things too much as it is pretty overwhelming. Maybe I should have just planned a trip of 12 months in one place. That way there’s only one culture/language I need to learn and only one itinerary to plan! But I feel like I’m not going to get this opportunity again so I’m aiming to cram as much into the next year as possible. So I only have myself to blame.

I think I have the master plan (where I’m going to be at what time) sorted. I seem to have these moments of clarity just before I drift off to sleep. It’s like my memory is on standby throughout the day, taking note of things around me, then decides to kick in at the end of the day. Sleep? No, I’m going to make you remember that you need to post out a mobile phone to someone in London and you must call the gardener…crazy. So as I was drifting off I had a sudden thought about my trip calendar. I’m still waiting to book my Fiji trip and Niagara Falls trip as they both fall towards the end of the year and apparently it’s too early to be that organised. But that spark of clarity kicked in and I realised that I could actually map out my dates regardless of this. So I turned on my light, wrote down the dates below, happily fist-pumped the air, turned off my light and drifted off to sleep....

...So here it is:


28th August - Arrive in Tokyo at 7:30pm. I set off from Manchester at 2:30pm on 27th August so it’s safe to say that I will have no sense of time or what the hell’s going on. So a typical day out for me then!

29th September depart Tokyo, land in Bangkok. I'll be starting my Thailand experience with a 28 day stint of voluntary work. There will be children and I will be scared. After that I will be wandering down to Singapore making the odd stop off for some much needed beach time. If I’m lucky I might actually tan...hey, it could happen!

14th November depart Singapore, land in Melbourne where I plan to find a job and some people to live with while I’m there. Fingers crossed that works out or I will quickly run out of money and will have to busk for spends and nobody wants to hear this singing voice.

15th May depart Brisbane, land in Auckland in search of cake. Once cake has been found and happily devoured I will then seek out the sights.

29th June depart Christchurch, land in Fiji where I plan to do absolutely nothing. Beach, tan (ahem), drink, eat, sleep...beach - yeah you get the picture.

7th July depart Fiji, land in LA. Travel down to San Diego (3 days). I also want to visit a spot featured in one of my favourite films, 500 Days of Summer

15th July depart LA for a tour to San Francisco where their morals are a little more relaxed. Let’s just say I don’t have to worry too much if I leave laundry day a little late...

28th July depart San Francisco, land in Chicago where I want to see the bean and visit a Threadless shop amongst other things.

2nd August depart Chicago, land in New York baby! Travel down to Washington DC (3 days) and back again for a trip to Niagara Falls (3 days). My last days will be spent in New York cramming in all the usual tourist stuff as a distraction to the inevitable...

25th August depart New York, land in London all sad-like.

The end *sniffle*

Now I have to do something that I have been putting off for months. No, not seeing if  my bikini still fits. Christ, I’m saving that for…wait…I don’t think there’ll ever be a perfect moment for that activity. What I mean is that now I have my itinerary sorted for Japan, I best start learning the lingo. I’ve got a learning CD which you can upload onto an mp3, ergo, I’m going to be walking around mumbling Japanese with a Yorkshire accent. Beautiful!

Tip Of The Iceberg Mate

I find it strange that I’m finding my second job rather enjoyable. A feeling which is not only unexpected but unusual as I’ve never really felt this way before. Maybe it’s the fact that this job isn’t that annoying, the staff are nice and there’s no politics . It’s refreshing not to have the overwhelming upsurge of anger that propels me to break something. Counting to ten never works by the way.

There is one thing which niggles me though…tipping. Tipping is a puzzle I don’t think I’ll ever be able to solve. It’s not a concept I am well-versed in. I think it’s obligatory to leave a 10% tip if you feel you’ve received a good service. I don’t know whether that’s right or not but think any tip is better than no tip! It has been interesting to witness the other side of things. Here’s a few things I’ve learnt whilst working as a waitress:

There is no set rule for tipping, it’s just pure luck 
I’ve bent over backwards for tables and received nothing, yet I’ve only taken a drinks order for a table and they’ve left me a £3-5 tip. I’ve even made mistakes with some customers and they still left me something. Crazy! I’m thankful of course but it just confuses me further. I always thought tipping was a gesture reflective of the service received. Now I think it’s more to do with a routine. People either tip or they don’t regardless of what happens.

Riddle wrapped in a mystery trapped inside an enigma
There’s a new etiquette in town - tipping out. Although the waitress keeps the tips at the end of the night, it is up to them to tip out to the other staff as they see fit. Other than the standard 20% to the kitchen, I wasn’t really told how much should go to everyone else. I thought that if the bar didn’t make my drinks or if the pudding person didn’t make any desserts on my shift that I didn’t tip them…wrong! Ooooops. Yeah I learnt the “rules” the hard way.

Trust nobody
I always thought skipping the bill was something people joked about but never actually did. Come on, we’ve all thought it right? But I never thought people actually did it. Oh but they do and it’s not even the people you think would do that kind of thing. I had a family of four skip out on a bill of around £40...on Mother’s Day. Thankfully I didn’t have to foot the bill but there are places where the waitress has to pay which is awful. People are shit, fact.

It surprises me how much mess one person can make
Sometimes I think people place bets on who can be the messiest. I always thought people try to be on their best behaviour in public. Ha! I guess because they don’t have to clear it up they don’t care. Thank you.

So back to tipping…yes I realise that I’m edging towards Sheldon-style extremities. Where is the algorithm guys!?! But seriously, it makes no sense. Luckily I’m not visiting many places where tipping is a major issue. Japan, no tipping. Thailand, generally not expected (according to LP, so who knows!). Australia and New Zealand take the same stance as the UK. Tipping in America is vital. I read that you need to tip bar staff. If I got a quid for every drink I pulled…Unfortunately America is the last country on my list. By that point I will be counting the pennies and living off one all-you-can eat buffet meal a day. I do hope I don’t become the person who shoves bread rolls in their purse for later *shudders*.