Help Me Help You

My road trip was almost over and I was glad. I've travelled on my own, I've travelled with friends (Australia) and on a hop-on-hop-off bus (New Zealand) and I can safely say that an organised tour has been my least favourite experience.

This is by no means intended as a black mark against tours. Although there have been slight mishaps and mistakes along the way, I've seen some great things and had some memorable experiences over the past few days. I've also been a witness to those who have fully enjoyed the experience, but for me, it was flawed from the beginning.

New Zealand proved more of a struggle than I anticipated through the forced social side of things but there was still a level of flexibility that came with it. I could hop off the bus if I wasn't feeling that great about the people I was surrounded by or if I took a shine to a certain place. Also, there was a weird laid-back air to proceedings yet there was still a structure that was followed. You're never pressured into doing activities and you can frame parts of the day as you wish. When you did choose to take part in paid activities, there were set times and arrangements. Travel with this much structure and directorship is shunned by some but when you're travelling in a large group, this level of organisation is needed, trust me!

It was unfortunate that I didn't warm to that many people on the buses whilst I was in New Zealand but I was still happy with how everything panned out. This Californian tour has been a constant niggling experience that is down to my own personal preferences.

As I said before, I actively repel forced socialisation. I feel like a stroppy teenager being told to do something and rebelling purely to make a point...any point. Of course I knew this going into the tour and was hoping that I'd be a part of bus with at least one person that I could get along with. The maximum capacity is 13 so I would have 12 other people to bounce off of. My first hurdle came when there was only five others on the tour, damn. I didn't really gel with anyone. This wasn't too much of a big deal for me as sometimes I like my own space and having a break from saying the generic spiel about who I am and where I'm from came as a welcome deviation.

This wasn't what frustrated me, it was the lack of a schedule or any kind of organisation. When I'm travelling solo, this isn't an issue. I'm responsible for when I get up, where I go and what I see. In a group it's entirely different. You need some kind of level of structure to ensure that things get done. If you apply a lacklustre attitude, you get a lacklustre result. We'll get up at around this time, set off when everything's packed up and we'll do whatever anyone else wants to do when we get there. NO!!! My group is full of timid people so when the question crops up - "What do you guys want to see/do?" - a giant wad of tumbleweed drifts along beside us.

The reason why I booked a tour is so I could leave all that to someone else. Yes I know what Las Vegas looks like but a tour guide would know where the cheapest drinks are or where there's some zany casino with a secret entrance. It would be like if a Lonely Planet came to life pretty much. The guide would be someone who is easy going and breezy but at the same time authoritative and assertive. This person can make things happen! This is what I wanted, a break from solo travel where the pressure is on me to find things and make experiences. Tours have it all tied up in a neat bow, all I needed to do was give a giant tug and watch as everything falls neatly into place.

Wrong! This was like some new free spirit in the land of tours where everything is left up to the group rather than the leader. This sounds like a great idea on paper. You get to mould the tour and get something truly unique out of it. But what happens when there is nobody in the group who is proactive? You're left with the bare bones. No substance, no action...just blank. I was reluctant to put myself forward as the person to push things forward. I know what I want out of the tour but what I want to do might not necessarily be what others want to do. The last thing I want is debates and arguments. I decided to take a laid-back approach and what will be will be. I didn't want to mother the group, surely we can come to an agreement naturally. My nonchalant attitude bit me in the ass and my patience was wearing thin.

*****

Getting to Yosemite National Park from Bishop was a relatively short drive compared to the distances we had travelled on previous days. Of course 156 miles (or thereabouts) is nothing to sniff at. Perhaps it was this thought that fuelled the lack of urgency during the morning of departure.

If our heads were screwed on tightly we would have twigged that it was a Saturday and we were heading to, what I assume to be, the most popular national park in California. I normally avoid doing anything too touristy on a weekend due to the crowds. I had no such luck today.

There were no roadside stops this time as we headed straight for the action. First up was a viewpoint where we could see Half Dome.

Half Dome is a granite rock face that looks impressive enough from a distance. What was more fascinating was what happens when you look through a telescope one park volunteer had set up. Peering through the lens, I could see a trail of moving dots up the rock face. They weren't ants, they were people! A challenge I would normally relish but looking down at my travel belly, it wasn't going to happen any time soon.

Our day of colossal finds continued as we went from big rocks to big trees at the forest of giant sequoias.

This is as much of the tree as I could capture!

Suddenly I felt very small indeed. Smothered by the crowds around me, I followed the walking trail like a marching ant. Every now and then I would flinch from the heat as it beamed down on me. Perhaps somewhere above a giant is playing a game of torture with a magnifying glass. I felt helpless and feeble.

Surrounding myself with water might be a good way to cool down. There just happened to be a waterfall nearby. We'd seen a heavenly photo of it in the brochure handed to us upon entering the park. As I opened the page a soft glow emanated from the falls and a gentle wave of harp assisted soprano singers soothed my ear drums. Hypnotised, I drifted forwards past each signpost for the waterfall.

There seemed to be a lot of interest in this waterfall as everyone was heading off in the same direction. I've been to hidden waterfalls before but never anywhere as popular as this. It felt like I was in a zoo rather than a national park. We had a map of the area and certain features were emboldened for our convenience. There was no sense of discovery which by no means takes away from the beauty of this land. It just felt a little prosaic.

My slight disappointment was cemented by the final arrival at the waterfall...

Where's the rest of it?

At first I aired my consternation to the agreement of the group. Then I thought about it and felt a little sad. It's not the waterfall's fault. It probably flourishes more during autumn rather than the sweltering summer. It might be suffering from stage fright and retracted from the crowds. I can't say I would perform at my best under the scrutiny of tourists by the bus-load. The pressure to be your best 365 days a year is astounding. People have travelled miles to see you and to disappoint anyone would be a tragedy. The media aren't much help either. Getting snapped and airbrushed-to-death then bandied around the masses in leaflet form is a recipe for disaster. This waterfall has stiff competition as it's not the only one at Yosemite. Maybe it's just having a down day and wants to be alone. I felt its pain.

Moving on, we headed back to the visitor centre via the shuttle service which runs throughout the park. Watching group after group shoving together into each bus like sardines, we could tell it was going to be a while until we got back. We'd previously abandoned Ken as we were stuck in a queue of traffic to the car park. Visiting the forest and the waterfall swallowed most of our day but I was still thirsty for more.

Tracking Ken down was pretty easy once we arrived at the visitor centre. Ken was visibly drained which was understandable given that he'd just spent ages negotiating his way through the park like an awkward shaped block in Tetris.

Encouragingly, I ushered the group towards the information desk which wasn't too difficult seen as it was adjacent to the gift shop. I must have grown out of my phase of buying random gift shop crap. Either that or the knowledge that it would add extra weight to my expanding suitcase had put me off. I remember there was nothing more exciting than a giant pencil or a novelty keyring. I am partial to a stretched out penny though, I still haven't given that fascination up yet.

In some mad twist, people seemed to be satisfied in looking at Yosemite's greatest sights on a shiny postcard than in person. Ken announced that we should leave. Hold up, so we've seen some giant trees and a bashful waterfall and that's it? Are you fricking kidding me!? In my head I had grand visions of Yosemite (click here for a video) and stories from the other group in Vegas filled me great anticipation. 

So far, I have taken a back seat to poor decisions and acute laziness. I felt like I'd seen some great things and had some ok experiences but my patience levels were maxed out. We need to buck up or this will have been a waste. In hindsight I might have dealt with the situation a little better. My face did resemble Reggie the comedian in The Nutty Professor when Buddy Love (aka Eddie Murphy) was ripping him apart joke after joke.

Enough! Silence! I can't take this shit no more. That's what I wanted to say, and yes I probably did feel like 'karatesizing' someone but I didn't turn the air blue. What I said resembled more of an uplifting speech, like the ones you see in movies with the slow-building patriotic music.

Suddenly everyone was captivated by my words. I have followers now. I marched up to the help desk. I produced a map of where we were heading (our campsite) and asked what we could see on the way back before sunset. The kind desk attendant circled three viewpoints on our map and showed us pictures of what we expect to see. I was happy and there was no way that I would settle for - "we can get up early in the morning and head out to the viewpoints" - because that will never happen. It didn't happen in Vegas and it didn't happen at the Grand Canyon. We're doing this NOW GODDAMMIT!

Ooof, I'm so domineering and assertive...I like it. Quite fittingly, our first viewpoint was at the base of El Capitan. Yo soy el Capitan!*

Dreamy

Wow, the views were spectacular, so I was feeling pretty chuffed with myself. If I'd dragged everyone over here and it was absolutely pants, I'd never hear the end of it. We took photos, dipped our feet in the stream and stretched out on a fallen tree.

Next up was Bridalveil Fall - not to be confused with Bridal Veil Falls which is the smallest of the three waterfalls which make up Niagara Falls. 

We were quite a distance from the waterfall when we parked up. We took a few photos and noticed people climbing over the rocks. Although there wasn't a dedicated trail, there was a way of getting to the waterfall by clambering over the rocks. A couple of signs warned us about not venturing further but we laughed in the face of danger (the face of the signs that is).

Naturally, I skidded down a rock and nearly face-planted another but I arrived at the foot of the waterfall unscathed. I'm blaming the beautiful rainbow that hugged the waterfall for my lapse in 

concentration. So pretty.

Cue more photography, a brief water fight and further rock teetering. To add to my inflating ego, Ken said that he would definitely add this spot to his list of places for future tours.

Uh-huh, oh-yeah, you know it!

Just as the sun was setting, we visited our third and final stop. The viewpoint was so calming that I forgot about the hassle it took to get us all here. It was a perfect way to end the day. Peaceful, quiet and picturesque...until we reached our campsite...

*I hope this translates to "I am the captain"!