Too Cool For Finishing School

I feel like I’m in limbo at the moment. I have most of the major things sorted and paid for but I have no idea what that means. I’ve paid for my flights but I have no idea what I need to do when I get there. I’ve booked a tour and a place on a volunteers project but I have no information on a meeting point and what I need to take. Both are oversights on my part as I just paid for it all whilst I had the money and presumed the information would follow. Ha! One should never presume of course.

I feel like I’m learning a lot of lessons in life at the moment. I’m trying to get to grips with the concept of etiquette attached to each country I’m visiting. It’s mind boggling. Asia is the trickiest. It’s pretty exhausting all the things I need to consider. There’s a whole chapter on what not to do with chopsticks. Sheesh! I thought it was a simple 1, 2, 3.

1. Pick up chopsticks and hold in a pincer like fashion.
2. Pick up food with said chopsticks.
3. Stick in gob and enjoy. 

Obviously I wouldn’t have scored top marks in finishing school with that one. There are many many things to consider. I can’t spear food which is an arse. That was my ‘get out of jail free card’ if I continually failed at point 2. I can’t stick them upwards in a mountain of rice or point them at people whilst talking. I wasn’t planning on doing either but who knows what my brain would have me say or do when overcome with nerves/stress/drunkenness. There’s a rule for where to grasp the chopsticks, where to place them when finished and don’t get me started on the rules for eating as a guest in someone’s home. I can’t seem to find anything about sticking them in your mouth and assuming a walrus pose though. Hmmm.

My brain is overrun with random facts from around the world. Did you know that there is no law against indecent exposure in San Francisco? I guess laundry day isn’t an issue over there. Obviously with something that relates to law, it’s black and white but I’m not sure how serious to take the other notes and comments I have read. Apparently blowing your nose in public in Japan is frowned upon. I’m not sure how strict a rule that is. So if I can’t blow my nose can I plug my nose with tissue instead? Hey, if Myleene Klass can do it…

Thailand is another grey area. So far I‘ve read that you can‘t touch someone‘s head, you can‘t point your feet at someone when sitting down, you can’t touch a monk…damn, now I have MC Hammer stuck in my head - Can‘t Touch This (over 14 millions hits on YouTube so it‘s not just me!).

The eerie thing is, Thais are also renowned for smiling. They smile when they’re happy, sad, angry, embarrassed and with any other emotion you can think of. I guess this will alleviate any stressful moments I might have but it might be confusing trying to distinguish between those that genuinely like me and those that would rather I bugger off!

This is all rather strange but weirdly fascinating at the same time. I guess if I do find myself in an awkward situation that I can’t laugh off, I could always point to something and shout as a distraction and leg it. Although with my current fitness levels I doubt I’d get very far!