Aussie Aussie Aussie!

If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything. Win Borden

...a quote which I should have read and acknowledged years ago. I am a perfectionist. This means that I work hard no matter how big or small the job in question is. I strive to make sure that I perform to the best of my ability and ensure that everything runs smoothly. This sounds perfect in a job interview, but in life, it's a pain in the arse. It means I'm never happy. I feel that I can always do better and, if there is something which I can't do (an obvious inevitability), then I torture myself for it. This is why this quote really struck a chord with me. If I hang around and weigh up my options, try and figure out a safe route in life or generally "play it safe" by sticking to a career I can comfortably be accomplished in, then I won't end up doing anything. Or be it, I won't end up doing anything EXCITING! I'm choosing to grab life by the balls and see what happens.

I thought I'd start off my first Aussie blog with a sweeping statement. I frequently get asked, “What are you going to do when you get back?” Saying, "I don't know" draws gasps. You don't have a plan? You're not going to have any money or a job when you get back? That is correct. I worked my arse off solidly for over 8 months so I could travel the world. The last thing I'm going to do is come back with more than loose change. I want to spend the lot baby! My roommates and I are on a different planet as one's just bought an Apple MacBook Pro and the other a Dell laptop but we'll get to that another day!

*****

I arrived in Melbourne with mixed thoughts. I don't really know much about the true Australia. I can't judge Australia on what I've seen on the TV - imagine if people judged England from what they see on American TV! I don't know any Australians either. I also got so wrapped up in researching Japan that I didn't really put much thought into my Australian leg. Backpackers flock here so it can't be that hard. I met a girl who travelled and worked in Australia and she arrived with only a couple of hundred pounds to her name. If that girl can do it, why can't I? Obviously I’d prefer it not to be a struggle but when is life ever easy?

With an open mind, I entered Australia and wondered what delights awaited me. Melbourne Airport was a very strange affair. I already looked like a drunken zombie thanks to my blocked-sinuses-ordeal (see previous entry) and then I saw this a sign stating that customs and immigration was being televised.

I flinched at first but then relished the thought of feigning a fuss of some kind. I pictured myself being dragged away by security screaming, “You can’t do this to meeeee!” Alas, my imagination had spun into overdrive and it wasn’t anywhere near as exciting as I thought it would be. Security weren’t bothered that I had mud from Mount Fuji still on my hiking boots and my medical supplies weren't worthy of confiscation. Dammit.

Moving forward, I noticed that Melbourne Airport was nothing like Singapore Airport. There was no butterfly garden let’s put it that way! There wasn’t much of anything. I couldn’t even get bloody wifi. What kind of country is this? I exchanged some money only to realise that I was charged a fee for doing so. So no wifi and now you’re stealing my money. Hmm, Australia you are not doing so well on the first impressions!

The helpdesk was no err help. The woman told me to go to the other side of the airport as there’s wifi there. There is no wifi on the other side of the airport. Hmph. Defeated, I boarded the Skybus to the city centre in search of food and wifi. Along the way I had to squint hard a few times until I realised that it wasn’t my eyesight that was the problem. Yes, everyone around me seemed to be ridiculously good looking. This realisation came to a head when I sat down for a rest outside Melbourne metro station. Picture the “Girl in the red dress” scene in The Matrix. Everything slowed down and amongst all the suits this svelte perfectly tanned girl of around the same age as me breezed past. She had long blonde hair and was wearing a beautiful dress and coordinating sandals. I think my jaw actually dropped upon this sight. I wanted to be her. Just like that. What shocked me further was that nobody batted an eyelid. Nobody dropped their sandwich or spilled their coffee in their agog state. It was like this girl was normal, just like everyone else. Well shit on me, I’m screwed. I’m wearing a grease-stained top and scraggy shorts. The Beast had drawn all the sweat from my body, the remains settling uncomfortably on my back and face. Sexy. I wanted to run and hide for all of 30 seconds. I then snapped out of it and carried on as usual. I only worry about my appearance when I’m out to impress someone. Well that aint happening anytime soon! Wait…I’m about to meet two strangers and sleep on their couch for the next couple of days. Hmm. Let’s hope they embrace the hobo look.

I had around three hours to kill before I had to worry about that. I needed a travel adapter and wifi access. I thought the best idea would be to stay close to the station. Drifting too far away will only end in disaster – a lesson learnt a long time ago!

After trudging around for a bit, I managed to find both…not in the same place of course. Navigating my way around Melbourne at this point wasn’t too bad. The place felt familiar. Not like in a de ja vu way but there seemed to be almost a British air to the place. Obviously I’m in an English speaking country but there was that city air that felt a lot like home. People in suits rushing around, business meetings in cafes, guys in slouchy clothing draped over the nearest propping device…all too familiar. The only way that I knew I hadn’t flown back to the UK was the sun beaming down on me. That is definitely not England. Not typically anyway. It was a welcome relief after the continued rainfall I experienced in Singapore.

I decided to take up temporary residence at a cute little café. Cute but flippin’ expensive! I purchased the cheapest thing I could find – a cookie and a can of coke (I don’t even like coke so I have no idea why I bought that. It must be the shock!). This came to $6 which is around 4 British pounds. That’s madness. I hoped that wasn’t a sign of things to come (this was a sign of things to come).

I nibbled at my cookie to make it last long enough so I wouldn’t have to buy something else whilst using their wifi.

*****

The time had come for me to make my way towards the potential axe murderers that I’d be bunking with. That was an arse in itself. Now back home, the screen that displays the platform numbers and coordinating trains actually reflects the platforms and trains that are contained in the station. Well…99% of the time. For some reason this didn’t happen as I soon found out when I nearly boarded the wrong train. I also found out on my second day that you’re supposed to validate your train ticket before you get on or you’ll be facing a hefty on-the-spot fine. Sheesh. This kind of stuff should be written down somewhere before you enter the country. Unless Aussies do it on purpose to perplex foreigners. That does sound plausible in hindsight.

I eventually made it to where I needed to be - Elsternwick. I found the nearest bench and fell asleep. I awoke to what started off as a faint whispering of my name. I then realised that my prospective tenants had pulled up in their car and was calling out to me. Shit! Ok, act normal. They’re probably gauging whether I’m a psycho or not.

Dazed and confused doesn’t even begin to describe the state that I was in. My new house friends – Jay and Lucas – were trying to strike up conversation with me in the car and I had no idea what was going on. I was beat. I got what I interpreted as looks of empathy. I was staying with former backpackers so I’m sure they too have been there and done that.

Jay and Lucas were awesome. We ordered Thai takeout which was lovely and plentiful. I ate like I hadn’t eaten for days. Neither guy judged me for it. Lucas bought me a can of Sprite which I was going to skip out on as the cost wasn’t worth it for me. I thanked him profusely and he laughed at me. That happened a lot that night as it turns out, I don’t speak English. I travelled all this way expecting to visit an English speaking country only to find that I’m in a place full of crazy speaking people. I don’t know what language Aussies are speaking but it isn’t English. However, I’ve been told that it is I who cannot understand nor speak English. Not an aired observation by Jay or Lucas I hasten to add.

It was funny whilst I was with Jay and Lucas. Certain words stood out for me – rice is roy-ce, hostel is – hoss-tell and The Strokes sounded like something I can’t even write phonetically. It was just a noise. It was funny as I waffled on like I normally do (the Thai curry injected some life into me by this point) yet I could tell that, for the most part, Jay had no idea what I was going on about…and vice versa! We still had some good banter interspersed amongst the confusion.

At this point I think we all breathed a sigh of relief. There’s no dungeon here…or an axe for that matter! I hoped that the guys also realised that I’m not a crazy person. Well…crazy as in I’m going to run off with your laptop and fridge contents crazy.

Jay and I moved the gigantic mattress (how big did they think I was…they must know about the cake!!) from behind the couch and I even got a blanket and pillow. I got laughed at again due to my excited nature at seeing a proper mattress. It’s like gold dust in dorms these days! Jay asked me to turn off the TV and light when I’m ready to sleep. As soon as he said those words I was out. I woke up in the early hours and embarrassingly realised that I didn’t turn off the TV or light and I was still in my scraggy shorts and grease stained top. Whoops.