When Nature Doesn't Call

For some miracle of a reason, we had a bit of a lie in the next morning. Hallelujah!

We departed at 10:30am and said our sad goodbyes to a few people on the bus. Even though I’d only been with this group for a couple of days, I was really fond of the mix of people we had. Martin, being the perfect gentleman that he is, had cooked us all pancakes and brought them onto the bus for us. The temptation to kidnap him and keep him as a pancake slave rolled through my mind.

Our next stop was Whakahoro. For added insight, the letters ‘w’ and ‘h’ put together is pronounced as ‘f’. It was an interesting name for an interesting place.

We drove straight through to Blue Duck Lodge where we received a warm welcome and a jolly introductory talk on the nature that surrounded us. The activities for the day were also explained to us. We had the option of going on a bush safari, horse trekking or goat hunting followed by clay pigeon shooting before sunset.

I do not have the stomach for hunting and killing animals and I don’t like horses so the bush safari was the logical choice for me. It sounded quite fun and a great way to see the area we were staying in.

Whilst everyone had checked in and made their way across to our lodgings, I was laid by the reception side steps in pain as I slipped over. Man that hurt a lot! I also fell over the previous day at The Park but thankfully nobody saw that and I fell on my arse. Thanks to all the rubbish I’ve been eating over the past few months, it acted as a perfect cushion for the tiled floor. This time I fell forwards and smacked my knee. I smiled to hide the pain and carried on with my day.

As I was the last person to make it up to the lodge, it meant that I had the last choice. It worked out well in regards to getting a bed. As nobody had saved me a bed (sob!), I ended up having a room to myself.

However, I wasn’t quite so lucky with the waterproofs and gum boots for the bush safari. Everyone had trousers, jackets and boots but me. I saw what was left and managed to dig out an oversized waterproof jacket but had to go to reception to enquire about more trousers. Thankfully one of the workers leant me his!

With time to spare, we looked around for something to do. The guys had found an axe and target. It was harder than it looked. My first throw was pathetic but I eventually managed to hit the target.

The bush safari was a bit of a non-starter. At first it was great. I clambered onto the quad bike and stood at the back. It was good fun ducking and diving to avoid passing branches and clinging onto the bars for stability. Due to the rain, we could not go kayaking and there were no blue ducks or much of anything to be seen. The closest we came to nature were two dead rats squished in the traps littered around the area. I was the only one who laughed at the rats, especially when she picked it up and flung it into the trees.

There are a lot of pests in the bush – goats, stoats, rats and even wild pigs. The workers there do everything they can to protect the area from the above.

We were all disappointed with the day as it was an expensive trip. We heard stories about other groups had seen which made us feel even worse.

Back at the lodges, we met up with the hunters who had shot a goat and some turkeys. I got to hear all the gruesome stories and see the pictures! Their juicy turkey looked far tastier than my simple noodle dish.

Everyone spent the evening crowding around the wood fire for warmth. It was all rather high class as some were sipping red wine and reading off their Kindles, whilst others conversed about the latest news and random trivia. I decided to bring down the tone somewhat and suggested to play Game Of Life. The board game was sat in the corner unused and I’d not played the game since I was a child.

It was a very old version with over complicated rules but it was still good fun. I lost. I went to college, incurred debt for doing so, became an artist and only earned $20, 000. It sounded all too familiar. It’s supposed to be a game. I was meant to earn a ridiculous amount of money and own a private jet. Hmph.