Goodbye Singapore...

Thoughts of a career in reviewing food outlets around the world happily distracted me from the moment I always dread when moving on to my next destination. Packing the beast. Somehow I always manage to fit everything in, but it is such an arse to get to that final point. I should have opted for a case with wheels. It's not like I've been camping in a forest or anything. Everywhere I've been has had flat even concrete. I guess I got swept away with the "glamour" of feeling like a true backpacker.

I decided to pack in the morning instead and nested in the reception hallway. I wanted to take full advantage of the hostel's free wi-fi before I left! I still had some bits and pieces to finalise and wanted to research Sydney a bit more and figure out the best way to get there from Melbourne. I've been so caught up in organising a place to stay that I forgot about that. I have no plan. Surely I need a plan?

As I sat there plying away in my own little world, a fellow backpacker sat down and started talking to me. Sod's-bleedin'-law that someone seemingly normal starts talking to me when I'm in the middle of doing something. I had a choice. Should I be friendly and continue talking to this guy or be a grouch and give one word answers until he gets the hint. Two hours flew by and I was still chatting away to this guy. As per usual, I didn't catch his name until the end of our conversation. As I was already on my laptop, we did the whole Facebook adding lark. At least that way I know my time wasn't wasted. It's happened a few times where I've gotten the wrong details off of someone. Purposefully done or not, it's annoying. I think from the handful of people that I never found online, two I was a bit annoyed about, the rest could bugger off!

So I added Rich and, in a bizarre twist, we have a mutual friend on Facebook. This is an anomaly I haven't come across before. I never contemplated this as I'm half way around the world. What are the chances that anyone I meet knows someone I know? I was slightly apprehensive but it turned out he went to school with someone I used to work with. A nice guy too. Phew. After our brief fling of the chatting variety, Rich and I parted ways possibly never to meet again. I hate it when that happens. I could be surrounded by idiots for days then find someone I actually get along with and only get to speak to them briefly. Ah well.

*****

I got up early (shocking I know) and packed the beast with relative ease. I nipped off to Make Shake to take some more photos, chat with Daphne and collect my beautiful t-shirt. I got so carried away sipping milkshakes that I missed my taxi to the airport. I ran back even though I knew I was already late. The receptionist told me that he instructed the taxi driver to pick up more people and come back. What a lovely thing to do. Most people sadistically relish the moments where things go wrong for someone. 

I was in such a hurry collecting all my stuff and organising myself that I almost missed Rich sitting in reception. What a great surprise. Hello, goodbye! Then I was off to what has to be one of the most impressive airports I've ever been in. The main highlight that had me bouncing around like some psychotic child dosed with too much sugar, was the 40 foot slide that resides in the airport. However, what the numerous online articles and youtube videos did NOT state is that the slide is connected to the outside of the airport and cannot be accessed in the departure lounge. As soon as you pass through that barrier you're screwed. Yes I had access to free internet and wi-fi, numerous gardens, computer game stations, napping areas and cinemas (to name but a few!), it was the slide I came to see. I was passed on to three different staff members who all said different things about the matter. Why in the hell would you have a slide that passengers can't go on!? I was fuming. I arrived at the airport super-early just to experience everything and I was already disappointed.

I decided to wander around and explore. I can still have a good time. I visited the sunflower and butterfly gardens which were pretty but downtrodden by the rain. It's been the main pitfall of my stay in Singapore. Great place, rubbish weather. Typical.

The airport has everything you could possibly think of. It's unbelievable. Three levels of awesomeness all easily accessible by the free shuttles within the airport. They even have a Tiffany's! My heart sank a little as I have nobody with me to buy me something encased in a green box tied with white ribbon. All by myseeeeelf. Bridget Jones' moment over and done with. Moving on, I found a calf and foot massage station. There was already a guy sat on one of the machines but I was tired of walking around. I needed a miniature pamper. It felt good. Really good. My new friend Pedro and I chatted away whilst passengers-to-be passed us by. We did draw a few stares but I was having fun and was completely relaxed.

I couldn't believe that I only had an hour left until my flight departed. I'd hardly done anything. I just messed around a bit. Changi Airport was my playground and I loved it. I cheekily tried to get into the Emirates departure lounge. First Class only is a joke. Defeated, I sat with the masses and waited for my flight to be called. Everyone stood/sat in silence. I think we were all worn out from the delights of Changi Airport.

As I checked in ridiculously early and the flight was only half full, the counter assistant informed me that I'd have a row to myself. Bliss. What I didn't realise is that the family in front would use the empty seats for their children to sleep. I had no qualms in snatching my cookies from under the weary child's head. Encroaching on people's space should be outlawed I tell you! All-in-all, Emirates wasn't as "amazing" as everyone makes out. Qatar still wins it for me. They had a better film selection, nicer staff, free flowing drinks and more meals despite the 19 hour flight duration. My Emirates flight was shorter and overnight but I think the staff went off to sleep as there was nobody around to ask for drinks. I was only offered a drink with meals and the film selection was poor. I did like the twinkling lights on the ceiling which resembled stars. That was a sweet touch. I am saying this purely for comparison. I'm not complaining. As long as I can be kept occupied, I'm happy.

I was a little weary from lack of sleep but not completely exhausted. As the plane started to descend I suddenly felt a bit nauseous. I've never been ill on a flight before so I wasn't sure what the cause was. I then began to feel immense pain in my head, ears, throat and neck. It took my breath away. Half an hour later, the pain showed no signs of subsiding. I was bent forward and cradling my head, looking for any position which would help ease the pain but nothing worked. A kind flight attendant asked me if I was ok and I'm sure the only sound that came out of my mouth was a squeak. A squeak of despair that must have looked familiar as the flight attendant knew straight away what was wrong with me. My sinuses were blocked from the air con in my dorm room. I didn't think anything of it but the flight attendant explained that workers aren't allowed to fly when they have colds because of this. She handed me a nasal spray and said it would help. It didn't, but the gesture was nice.

The plane finally landed. I tried to stand but my balance was all over the place. I was acting like a drunk and looked like a zombie. Not the greatest of first impressions to have in Australia. I waited until most of the passengers had filtered off of the plane before I moved. I started to feel a little better but my hearing wasn't 100% and my whole head was throbbing. I wanted a bed to collapse in but this wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Welcome to Australia!

Shake Your Groove Thing

My sweet tooth was aching for some sugary goodness. I’d passed many counters in the City Square Mall that offered suitable fixes. I was almost swayed by a free sample of frozen yoghurt I was given, but instantly felt a warming connection to a particular counter.

We obviously share the same kind of cheeky sense of humour.

How could I not be bedazzled by the fresh and funky design of Make Shake?

I’m not normally a milkshake drinker as the ones I have had previously were too thick and sickly-sweet…even for me! I decided to put my dubious thoughts to the back of my mind and give milkshakes another go.

I was spoilt for choice but the menu is so indecisive-friendly. The Make Shake team have kindly put together a series of eight signature milkshakes for all palettes. 

Awesome by name, awesome by nature

From strawberries and cream cheese to Kit Kat and choc fudge, you are sure to find a milkshake to match your cravings. I love that there are no cheap substitutes here. You get the real deal. Maltesers are Maltesers and not “malted balls”. They even make their own vanilla ice cream that’s reduced in sugar. It already sounds like a world apart from the milkshakes I’ve had back in England.

As tempting as the eight shakes were, I decided to be a rebel and custom make my own shake. I was literally like a kid in a candy store. M&M Nuts…no wait Kinder Bueno…but then they have mango which wouldn’t go…help! In the end, I went for Toblerone with toffee nut sauce. I moved up the queue and ordered my shake. I had a choice between a small shake for $3.70 with one shake-in or a large shake for $5.20 which allows two free shake-ins. I splashed out on a large size as I wanted a sweet treat of epic proportions.

Even though it was late at night and Make Shake would be closing soon, the server – or should I say Shakerista - was bright, breezy and very chatty. Whilst I waited for my shake, I read an article pinned to the side of the counter. It then dawned on me that I was being served by one of the business partners, 23-year-old Daphne Ng. I was in awe as I read the story of how Make Shake began.

Inspired from his days as a bartender, Seth Lui, 26, came up with the idea of customising milkshakes. Together with Daphne Ng and Lim Rongjie, Seth's brainchild grew into what is now Singapore's first and only customisable premium milkshake outlet. Combining a grant from SPRING Singapore with their savings, the team risked everything to bring their ideas to life.

Daphne in action!

Like a bashful fan meeting a celebrity, I confirmed that it was Daphne who served me. My curious nature took over and I bombarded the poor girl with questions but, rather than tell me to get lost, Daphne smiled and was more than happy to speak to me.

It shocked me that the branch was in its infancy (opened mid October 2011). The military operation of the shake counter and the amount of customers naturally ordering shakes like they’ve been doing it for months on end is more of a credit to the team. Daphne explained that it took a lot of work and experimentation to get to this stage but is pleased with the outcome:

“We make our own ice-cream in-house. This alone took almost six months to achieve a base that could withstand the blending and mixing process while allowing the flavour of the shake ingredients to stand out. Creating combinations that would resound with the public also took time but it led to the creation of awesome signature shakes.

Daphne added:

“Setting up the store was one thing, but having to work efficiently was another. There was no system in place (so) the whole kitchen became a haphazard affair. By creating designated stations, we improved the flow of our work process.”

Throughout these trials and tribulations, Daphne has had a lot of support:

“There were mixed feelings from my family and friends but they understand that being young, one can risk without a high level of commitment and will be a learning experience. Support is important as it reinforces the determination and perseverance to see through tough times.

Another support mechanism which I never considered was that of the entrepreneurial community. I had visions of a dog-eat-dog world but Daphne claimed the contrary:

“ It has never ceased to amaze me the energy and support other entrepreneurs display toward their fellow peers – it’s something you rarely see in the corporate world so the experience is different and indeed heartening."

Where all the action takes place

I was already in love with this company and I hadn’t even tasted my shake yet. My first experience as a “Shakespearean” lived up to the hype I had created for myself. The shake was smooth and creamy without being too sweet. My taste buds sought out the vanilla straight away. They were soon enveloped in the toffee nut sauce with the crunch of Toblerone offering the exquisite finishing touch. I was catapulted into a sugar-ecstasy.

I wanted more but Make Shake was closing. There was only one thing for it…

…Go back the next day of course. It was my final day in Singapore which was a sad occasion in itself. I needed a little pick-me-up. Waiting for me were three little pick-me-ups. I had a strawberries and cream cheese shake (Berry Cheesy) along with a coffee and breakfast tea shake (Yuan Yang). This was finished off with a Champion Breakfast shake made up of raisins, granola and maple syrup. The last one was my favourite. It tasted more like a breakfast yoghurt than a milkshake. There is literally a shake for all times of the day!

As you can see, some of these shakes are no longer on the Awesome Popular Shakes menu. Due to the fast-moving industry and ever-changing tastes of the public, Make Shake updates their menu to suit.

Other companies have noticed the growing trend and are hot on Make Shake's tail. Once Upon A Milkshake as well as other ice cream joints are trying their best to compete. One thing that Make Shake does have which can’t be copied is a personality!

As well as customising your shakes you can jazz up your cup with stickers available for purchasing at the counter.

Fill in the gap…

This poster made me smile and even better...

The team hope to open a few more stores in Singapore and possibly South East Asia. Big dreams from a grounded individual, Daphne offers up some wise words:

“In business, be practical and always offer what the consumer wants. (You should) always believe in yourself and have the courage to pursue what you want in life. Don’t ever look back and have regrets.”

How can you not feel anything but admiration for a young dream in the making? Make Shake’s bubbly nature was infectious…

Unfortunately I am no longer in Singapore so am looking for other ways to spread the Make Shake word...

 Working hard.

I'm With That Guy

Snub of the week:

Me: “…yeah I’ve not been up to much today. I’m just updating my blog and then I’m gonna have a chill out night tonight. How’s your day been?

Discussion about KL etc etc

Lady in KL: “Sorry did you say that you have a blog?”

Me: “Yes, I do.” (Mood uplifts as always when someone enquires about my blog).

Lady: “Do you use WordPress? I write my blog on there and I’m having difficulties with changing the design."

It was my third day in Singapore and I really needed to start finalising my plans for Australia. As much as I wanted to take advantage of my last full day, I knew that it’s not something I could simply blag on arrival.

The common room/kitchen was very small which meant that it was almost always crowded during breakfast. I couldn’t access wifi anywhere else in the building so had to wait it out. I had my usual toast and egg then went back to my room to freshen up and collect my laptop. Well I would of, except I couldn’t get into my room. The hostel is only a couple of months old so everything is all new and flashy, including the electronic doors. I hovered my room card key over the access point and the door sang some weird song but didn’t let me in. I went to reception and later found out that my door had run out of batteries!

How many batteries?!

It was so strange. I wasn’t in any particular rush so hung about as the sweet receptionist fumbled with an instruction manual and spare batteries. By the time I got downstairs, the kitchen area was deserted. Hooray.

Moments after I started tapping away on my laptop, a male backpacker came in and dumped his stuff in the storage room. He left and then came back again and sat down. He looked just like I did when I first arrived. I struck up a conversation with him but he was too tired to string too many sentences together. His room was ready and he left.

That started the beginning of an annoying afternoon. Family after family each dragged their suitcases into the common area/kitchen and piled them around me. They all sat down and started talking in a language I didn’t understand. I’m pretty sure the families which dominated the train ride to Singapore had all piled into my hostel. This became blatantly clear when my arch-nemesis arrived. He was approximately 4 years old and was brought to this earth to annoy as many people as possible. I saw…actually I heard him before I saw him as he wears shoes which squeak with every step. It’s not even cute for a few seconds, it’s just annoying. He was on the train from KL to Singapore, he was at customs and he was even pacing outside my room in the wee hours one night. He doesn’t even sleep!

It was ok this time as I had my headphones plugged in and drowned him out with a bit of Kanye West. However, for some reason, everyone piled into this tiny room and waited, and waited…and waited. They’d obviously checked out and were waiting for a mini-bus taxi. There were a few moments where I felt like saying something. Perhaps when an elderly woman edged in further and further on to my thigh before moving away slightly or when a mother shot me daggers when I tried to playfully pinch her child after he kept poking my knee (not the demon child). I couldn’t tell if they were consistently encroaching into my space to get rid of me or if they were just generally plain rude. I was only taking up one seat. Upon hindsight I should have played them at their own game. I should have stretched my legs out onto the laps of the ladies on the sofa or sing. Yes, I could definitely clear a room with my singing voice. Typically, when I left the kitchen their bus had arrived…

I couldn’t believe how long I’d spent on my laptop. Time does escape me when I’m online. I always end up chatting to someone or sending a lengthy email. I think I even updated my blog. I must have subconsciously wanted to stay seated as long as possible just to annoy everyone around me. Don’t I sound delightful, haha!

With my battle of wills over with, I retreated back to my room only to find the tired male backpacker napping in my dorm. I had a feeling he would be staying in my room after Will and Sadie left that morning. The only other occupant was Kat. Although I got a couple of travelling tips from her, I knew within minutes of meeting her that we’d never be in contact again. I don’t mean that in a negative way against her. We had lengthy chats about a wide range of topics. Sometimes it is nice to vent and say whatever you want, knowing full well that you’ll never see or hear from this person again. It’s actually quite therapeutic.

The sleeping backpacker stirred and, after only a couple of hours sleep, wanted to go and explore. I wish I was as full of beans on my first day! The friendly backpacker’s name is Danny. Another Danny. I guess it’s a funnier meet when drunk – “What’s your name?” “My name’s Dani.” “My name’s Danny too.” Followed by a collective “Wheeeey!” It’s more awkward when sober and I tend to stick to my full name to avoid any weirdness.

uber-posh. A queue of guests had formed awaiting taxis. Danny whipped out his Lonely Planet guide for map instructions. Wait a minute…haven’t I been here before?

I already knew we were doomed. Danny asked one of the queueing guests for directions and we pretended to understand them. The rain grew heavier by the second and neither of us was in any hurry to start walking. Danny joked that we should sit in the hotel reception area. I scoffed as surely we’d get told to leave. We were both soaked and scruffy-looking. I felt like Curly Sue pressing her nose up against the window of a posh restaurant wishing it was her who was in the warmth being wined and dined instead of being outside on the cold harsh streets. Instead of pushing Danny in front of a moving taxi and emotionally blackmailing a gullible rich person, I made a bet with Danny and knew instantly that I’d lose. Danny in his 3-day-worn clothes and me in my shorts, waterproof jacket and Havaianas, sat inside the luxurious hotel for half an hour. We got a few stares from staff but remained undisturbed. I handed over my $5 to Danny and we powered on.

Singapore looks smart and sophisticated by day but by night, Singapore becomes sexy. Danny and I strolled by the riverfront taking in the incredible views.

Part of the Marina Bay Sands casino resort

Boat-shaped Sky Park atop the three towers which makes up the world's most expensive hotel. If I was rich, I would go for a swim in the infinity pool. What a view that would be. Instead, I had to settle for a photo.

Colourful water fountain by Marina Bay

Merlion

View at night along the Esplanade

Looking out to Marina Bay

Our stomachs growled in protest which forced us to move away from the array of photo opportunities. The restaurants by the riverfront looked expensive…and they were expensive. I know I always say that my main extravagance and continued weakness is awesome food, but I didn’t look the part. I wouldn’t enjoy it as much in my sodden rags. We headed back to our hostel and ate at the 24 hour mall just outside the tube station. I was on a high as somebody asked me for advice on the metro routes and I helped somebody else use the ticket machine. I actually looked like I knew what I was doing in a country! Talking of highs, I needed sugar and we found just the place…

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

I thought I’d give your eyes a rest after seeing a glimpse of hell and all that. This post will be full of laughter and wonderment I swear!

*****

I exited the tube station and was met with a magical Christmas display.

So preeeeetty.

The decorations were beautiful and, despite it being the middle of November, I felt all giddy. Even though I won’t be having a proper Christmas this year, it’s nice to see Christmas cheer. Anything that gives people an outlet to being overly happy is a good thing in my opinion.

Everything looked so shiny and extravagant. As everyone else around me was getting progressively wetter, I didn’t feel too much like a hobo.

 These elephant sculptures were a frequent fixture in Singapore. The Elephant Parade - life size elephant sculptures - are exhibited in well known cities and are auctioned off to raise funds for Asian elephants.

 Is that a Christmas tree or a dalek? 

More pretty decorations

I spent a while trying to make my way across to the IMAX theatre but to no avail. As it was raining so heavily I couldn’t see the front of each building. This meant I had no idea if I was edging closer or moving further away from my intended destination. It was such an arse. I was getting soaked yet I still had no idea where I was. In the end I ducked inside one of the malls and explored for a bit. I was in no rush.

I went down to the food court and had a tasty yet affordable meal. I heard rumours that there was wifi about but I couldn’t get on where I was sat. Instead I went upstairs and propped my laptop on a Burger King sign. Nobody said anything and there is no way I would ever buy a Burger King, yuck! Sometimes being cheeky pays off. I checked cinema times and logged off.

If only finding the exit was as easy. Well I say exit, what I mean is a way to get across the road. There are no (road) crossings on Orchard Road. Everything is underground. I needed to pass from one mall to another. I asked a concierge…twice, and both told me the wrong information. They pointed me in the direction to the exit onto the wet and still rainy street on the same side of the road. It seems like I’ll need to figure this one out for myself. I heard a couple whispering about getting to the other side. It seems I’m not the only one baffled by this mystery. I decided to follow them for a few minutes and found where I needed to be.

Just as I was about to cross over, I got side-tracked by a delicious little delicatessen. I was one brownie and a cheese bread roll heavier when I reached the Shaw House building. The way I write it makes it sound like I was only there for half an hour. I must have spent at least a couple of hours walking around – in and out of shops along the way of course! – before I made it to the other side of the road. There should be better signposts!

I started getting stomach flips as I made my way to the cinema entrance. Multiple screens to my right joined together to show the new Twilight trailer. At this point, I had not seen anything about the new film. I hate how I’ve become so out-of-the-loop on all things film/television/entertainment. Saying that, I certainly knew more about what was going on than a few people waiting in the ticket queue – “Real Steel? Well that must about cars right?” for which the group agrees. One girl says “One Day is like a Rom-Com”. Say whaaaa? Ha. I tried to educate them but was ushered to a till point by this giant grunting fellow. I got into trouble for dawdling. I must have been in the queue for all of two minutes. Everything seems to be faster in Singapore, including the escalators (random adage I know…maybe it’s just me). I loved it. Fast queues, fast service. Everything looked so pristine and exquisite. There was a restaurant with gorgeous looking food and tear-inducingly-good desserts each sat under a glass counter taunting me. I was good. I didn’t even get popcorn.

I didn’t mind parting with $22 as that felt like an incredibly reasonable price for what I was about to experience. It was the equivalent to what I would have to pay back in the UK to view a 3D film in a regular theatre. I’ve never been to an IMAX theatre but have always wanted to. I went to see Tintin. I wasn’t massively eager to see the film itself but heard good things about it. I was mainly there for the theatre itself. Most of the seats were already booked and all that was left were seats near the front. I instinctively thought that was a good thing without realising what an IMAX experience entails. I opted for a middle seat, third row in.

I had a bit of a wait so sat and tucked into my cheese bread and brownie. Others had done the same and brought sushi and bottled drinks in so I didn’t feel like too much of a cheapskate. Time didn’t drag and before I knew it, a message flashed prompting customers to make their way to the IMAX theatre. I was one of the first people to notice it and eagerly took my place in the queue. I walked past the cinema clerks and was handed a pair of 3D glasses the size of a snorkelling mask. Oooooh

Face-melting 3rd row = neck ache!

I submerged myself in the luxury leather seats and I could tell my arse was happy. Too many night buses and long flights have meant my poor tushy has been neglected. My arse was content, and soon enough my whole body was happy from the sensory overload that came. I put my glasses on straight away in anticipation. I was like a little kid edging their way in to Disneyland, tugging at their parent’s arm…

Spectacular. The film was great but the IMAX made it truly incredible. It definitely craps all over the 3D efforts in regular cinemas at the moment. Other than Avatar I have been disappointed with the 3D films that I have seen. If it’s not all in 3D then what’s the point? What an awesome end to a seemingly damp squib of a day. I just hoped the weather would get better.

Curiouser And Curiouser

The memories of the disaster that was my journey to the hostel stung like the regrets of a drunken night out. I was determined not to waste another minute and had grand plans for my day ahead. I was already debriefed on what there is to do in Singapore by a British couple, Will and Sadie, along with Kat (also British) who I was dorming with. I had done zero research on Singapore. All I knew was that they had an awesome airport. This is normally where my random yet brilliant times come – from not having a clue what the hell I’m doing or where I’m going. It means I have to rely on my wits (pah!) and good fortune…i.e. stumble around for a bit, get lost and frustrated which leads to being rescued or generally an awesome moment.

I decided to take advantage of the free breakfast. It wasn’t the best but it filled the gap. Several pieces of toast and a boiled egg later I was good to go! I did fancy a cup of tea or something before I left. There was definitely something but it was no cup of tea.

What the shit is this?! Sugar, skim milk powder, instant tea (!) and E110 food colouring…is that to make it look like the colour of tea? Gross.

I wasn’t even going to attempt to drink that poison. I stuck to water and headed out. On my way to the tube station, I was distracted by the Deepavali decorations. I’d just missed the Festival Of Lights, a Hindu celebration. There are several interpretations of this festival and its meaning. The most common is that good will eventually overcome evil, so lighting the lamps during Deepavali represents the victory of lightness over darkness. It would have been lovely to see that.

I had to settle for a daytime viewing of the decorations.

The metro station was only a few minutes up the road which meant I could leave my rusty internal compass in storage for now. I rolled my eyes to myself. Yet another transport system I need to master. Singapore is simple once you know where you’re going. The tube system is made up of a handful of colour lines which is a teeny tiny fraction of what I experienced in Tokyo. The ticket machine made things easy for me. Firstly, the information was displayed in English which helped. I simply had to touch the stop where I wanted to end up at and insert the demanded amount. The machine spat out a plastic card which opens the barriers at each station when scanned. Once the ticket is spent, I return it to one of the ticket machines and receive a dollar back. Lovely.

I joined the masses of hurried locals on the tube to Haw Par Villa. Will and Sadie told me this was the weirdest museum/park/garden place they’d ever seen. It was so weird that they couldn’t even sum it up in words. I had to see it for myself.

I stepped out of the tube station and was battered by the rain. Oh I forgot to say, I slept through a thunderstorm the day before. When I ventured out for my curry the place was dry so I was non-the-wiser. Typically, I wasn’t dressed for rain. I had a thin cotton floor-length skirt on and a vest top. No umbrella. No waterproof. Oh what fun!

I sprinted (somewhat haphazardly as my feet kept slipping out of my counterfeit Havaianas) over to the park hoping for some sort of shelter. There were some statues and sculptures on the outside which prepared me for the surreal displays indoors.

Warm welcome!

Good morning to you random decapitated men

 A war...

With rats!!

Feisty lot these are!

The tone had definitely been set. The rain showed no signs of stopping so I went indoors…to the ten courts of hell. I slowly stepped inside a dark cave which would have been quite eerie if it wasn’t for the dozens of other intrigued tourists around me. As I walked along, I passed information boards and sculptures set in hollowed out areas. Each court represented a punishment bestowed by King Qinguang.

First Court – King Qinguang decides your fate. Here’s an unnerving “fact”. Those who were evil doers in their past lives will be “…sent to repent in the ‘Mirror of Retribution’ and then taken to a subsequent Court of Hell to be punished.” Harsh!

Second Court – King Chujiang – punishments include being thrown into a volcanic pit, frozen into blocks of ice and thrown into a pool of blood and drowned. The last one is specifically for prostitutes.

Third Court – King Songdi – for being ungrateful and disrespecting your elders, you get your heart cut out. For being a drug addict you get tied to a red hot copper pillar and grilled. Mmm crispy!

Fourth Court – King Wuguan – For dodging taxes you get pounded by a stone mallet. For showing disobedience to one’s siblings…grounded by a large stone. I wonder what that would look like…

Argh!

Fifth Court – King Yanluo – Plotted another death for the victim’s money/property means you get thrown onto a hill of knives.

Sixth Court – King Piencheng – cheating, cursing or abducting someone all means you get thrown into a tree of knives. Misuse of books, possessing porn and wasting food means you get your body sawn in two.

Just like this!

Seventh Court – King Taishan – rumour-mongers get their tongues pulled out and rapists get thrown into a wok of boiling oil.

Eighth Court – King Dushi

Ninth Court – King Pingdeng – Neglect of the old and young means you get crushed under boulders.

Tenth Court – King Zhuanlun – now this is where I get lost. The sign says that after serving their sentences, prisoners are brought to the tenth court to face the Wheel of Reincarnation and the Pavilion of Forgetfulness. Pretty self-explanatory as to what those do. I’m just not sure how someone who’s been crushed by a boulder can make it to the Tenth Court!

I stumbled out of the Hell cave a little weirded-out to say the least! The rain had started to ease off and I felt a bit better as there was much more to see.

 A sculpture in the making. It will probably look more disturbing when painted which is a shame. I like how the little kid is posing as if to say “tah daaaah”.

 A little hanky panky in the park, whilst a little child claps and two old men throw rocks at them. And the moral of this story is..?

Don't look into their eyes...agh!

Why?

I was almost swept away.

Unfortunately I had to leave. The rest of the features were uphill and I was already soaked – another time perhaps. I also wanted to visit the botanic gardens but there was no point in doing that now either! I didn’t want to add the word muddy to my sodden exterior. I headed across to Orchard Road which is a well-known shopping district. I was on the hunt for an IMAX theatre…

Give Us A Clue

A backpacker's guide on how NOT to travel from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore:

1. Book a night train from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore despite the fact that four previous night bus experiences had been unpleasant.

2. Turn up for train only to realise that you are the only western backpacker and the rest of the train's passengers are made up of families with small children and babies.

3. Sit next to a fat person who's arse-fat uncomfortably encroaches onto your lap whilst attempting to zone out the kazoo choir emanating from a snoring elderly couple.

4. Attempt to watch Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on mute...twice.

5. Stretch out legs and wiggle arse at necessary intervals to avoid numbing pains.

6. Experience stiffness of legs and numbing pain in arse.

7. Drift in and out of "sleep" and experience some crazy Hogwarts themed dream within a dream.

8. Get nudged back to life by immigration and later arrive in Singapore.

9. Pass through customs with ease and get greeted jovially despite the early time - 6:35am.

10. Confirm location with said jovial assistant - Woodlands CIQ.

11. Search for ATM, there is none.

12. Search for Information Desk, there is none.

13. Curse the heavens.

14. Ask locals where the nearest ATM is. Wander off in search for ATM only to find there is none.

15. Collapse to the ground and rest.

16. Realise that the corner of a car park isn't the greatest of resting places and notice that stares are being attracted.

17. Heave beast upon shoulders and head back to the train station in search of a ticket desk attendant.

18. Join ticket desk queue and subsequently ask for bus and ATM information.

19. Praise the heavens for having Malaysian Ringgits leftover and not spending it in Starbucks as previously intended. Exchange the remaining Ringgits for Singapore Dollars.

20. Sit at the bus stop for over an hour and wait for a bus that doesn't exist.

21. Strike up a conversation with a friendly local who is nice enough to give you correct directions and explain how the local transport system works.

22. Try to summon up a laugh when the friendly local explains that all buses travel to the interchange so the hour spent waiting at the bus stop was needless.

23. Restrain from bear-hugging the friendly local when he offers the correct change for the bus fare upon realising that the buses do not accept dollar notes.

24. Arrive at the interchange and request further information and a map from the ticket desk.

25. Walk around in circles until eventually you realise that the ATM is outside the station. Withdraw a sizable amount as you don't know when you will next find another ATM.

26. At this point the beast has become unbearable to carry so the day-pack is released to lighten the load.

27. Walk up to the ticket machine to find that it only accepts small dollar denominations.

28. Queue at the ticket counter again. Get change.

29. Board the correct train only to find the train passes straight through the stop you need.

30. Get off at the next station to navigate appropriately.

31. Board next train and then transfer to another line to reach the intended train station.

32. Walk out the wrong exit of the train station.

33. Go back into the station and check the map. Go out the correct exit and follow the street signs noted down before arrival.

34. Arrive at the wrong branch of hostel.

35. Turn around and walk 10 minutes and arrive at the next hostel.

36. Make a sweaty gasping entrance to the correct hostel and relax. Four hours from arriving in a city to the hostel is a record that's going to be tough to beat.

• I felt like Steve Martin in Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Pure exasperation and utter exhaustion. Although I wanted to stay awake, my body caved. I slept until the early evening and investigated the local area for something to eat. I didn't realise there was a cheap food court nearby and opted for an overpriced curry instead. The portions were rubbish and it wasn't up to the same standard as my local back home. I do miss the Viceroy in York.
  
  I didn't have the same venomous response as Steve Martin (a beauty of a clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWRxPDhd3d0 STA, be warned!) but felt that, yet again, a day had been wasted. I didn't have a plan for how I would spend my remaining days and instead, drew inspiration from my dorm room mates and generally let events unfold naturally. It's the best way to travel in my eyes.

Countdown To Oz

All in all, there didn't seem to be that much to see within KL Central. I was thinking about venturing out elsewhere but thought that it might be best if I save my money for Australia. I had no idea how long it would take for me to get a job and didn't want to start eating into the money I saved for New Zealand and America. There was nothing that I could think of that I really wanted to see. Even though I had already made my mind up that I wasn't going to be up to much during my last few days, I was sickie. I have no idea why or where it came from but I felt terrible. It was rather pathetic but there were still some things that I needed to do before I left for Australia.

Mel had told me that the sim cards and international call costs in KL are really cheap. I'd not spoken to my parents or anyone back home since leaving so thought it would be nice to hear some familiar voices. It didn't quite go according to plan. I organised a time with my parents - it was my mum's day off and the time scheduled was the start of my dad's lunch break - and a friend. I tried calling and it went through to voicemail. Why in the hell would my mum be on the phone when I'm supposed to be calling? I tried again and it said that my call couldn't be connected. This didn't look good. After several attempts I admitted defeat and swore loudly at my phone. I continued to chunter and spit out expletives despite the fact that I wasn't alone in my 16 bed dorm room. I didn't care. I'm still invisible in my room so they can say/do what they like. I wasn't happy at all. I felt crap and the only thing that would make my day worthwhile turned into nothing. What an arse of a day.

The following day I was in quite a bit of pain and experiencing weird hot sweats and dizzy spells. There was something going round the hostel apparently. I forced myself out of bed and one of the girls offered me some paracetamol. Normally I don't take tablets. Back home I just deal with it as I don't like the thought of taking lots of pills if the pain is manageable. That probably sounds weird but hey. I felt a bit better after I had a shower so continued with my day. First stop was the post office. As per usual, I had no idea where I was going. I asked reception for directions but they weren't very helpful. For some reason everything seems to be straight ahead...when it's not obviously. It's funny when you're with friends but when you're on your own it sucks. Strangely, a local helped me find my way. I was going in the wrong direction. He walked part of the way with me and gave me two copies of a more detailed local map. I could have done with that on my first day really!

My next challenge was figuring out how to send my crap back home. By crap, I mean crap. I have accumulated a lot of stuff that I'd like to keep but don't actually need. I have a lot of that at home too, which is why my room normally resembles a scene from How Clean Is Your House or Hoarders. I'm like the little old lady who won't throw out her battered biscuit tins.

I managed to find a padded envelope big enough to contain my hoard and walked around for a little bit. The stature of the main post office is quite overwhelming but the front desk area is surprisingly small. The decor is white and glass only so I feel like I'm in some futuristic laboratory or a mental institution. The latter would be very fitting for my state of mind whilst being away! After asking a series of (what felt like to me) daft questions, I queued at the correct till point. The assistant weighed it, attached a mailing sticker to the parcel, took my money then handed it back to me. Wait...what? He pointed to a lady at a desk on the other side of the reception area. Bemused, I sidled up to said lady and proffered my parcel. Success. I walked out with my head held high. I didn't look too ridiculous and there were just as many locals who didn't know what they were doing either.

By this point, I was quite far from the hostel and didn't fancy spending a further hour or bumbling about. I doubt I would be so lucky to find a friendly local willing to help me again. I decided to catch the train. On the way back I remembered to take some photos of the graffiti painted along the embankment. The local governing body allows this area to be an open canvas for local artists. The graffiti is kept for a period of time and then painted over for new pieces. If, however, a piece is especially brilliant, it will stay there longer.

Never-ending story

On the way back to the hostel, I stopped off at KL Central station to purchase my train ticket to Singapore. Again, to save money, I opted for a night train. There were no beds available so I would be seated the whole way. Having experienced night journeys in Japan, Thailand and the first half of Malaysia, I felt like I knew the score. I decided to locate where I needed to wait for the train as I didn't want to have to look for it when I had the beast.

I found this at the station. You stick your hand in the mouth and the machine reads your palm. Very strange!

After a long afternoon, I felt that I deserved a treat. Starbucks was the closest place I could find and just happened to be a regular haunt of mine due to the free wifi. I was going to get my usual mocha when I saw a new Christmassy drink which looked delicious. Cranberry White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino? Yes please.

Table not included!

I looked around for somewhere to sit and all that was available was a set of four seats minus a table. The area was ignored and a few people in front of me walked away. I wanted a seat and a table wasn't essential to me. I embraced the ostracised resting space. I had a sudden flashback to my childhood where we'd all pretend to be on a train, using our imaginations to create the outer shell. All those around me were too engrossed in their business meetings or studies to notice me and my humourous circumstance. 

I enjoyed my drink but my sweet tooth was left unsatisfied. I just happened to pass a cake counter and succumbed to the urge.

Triple chocolate decadence.

I had one more stop before I could truly rest. The duff sim card I was given needed to be sorted. It did end up costing me more than it should have done as I spent half of my credit trying to call home. Annoyingly the charges start as soon as the phone rings. So even if you don't get to speak to someone, it still costs you money. Great if you want to bankrupt stalkers, not so good for me who just wanted to call home. The shop assistant who sold me the sim card recognised me straight away and asked how I was getting on. Somehow he managed to fix it and I was put through to my dad. I didn't even think about what time it was back home. I'd called really early and both my parents were getting ready for work. Oops. I arranged to speak to my mum later and jumped on Facebook to tell my friend that I'd sorted my phone. Hooray.

I spoke to my mum for half an hour about absolutely nothing. There was no major news from home so we just spoke about Twilight and other films as well as what I was missing on TV. I write most of what happens in my blog so I felt like my mum knew everything already! My mum listed all the people she knows who reads my blog which was surprising. I have a little York fanbase. Hey guys!! It was quite touching as my mum excitedly told me. It felt like she was proud of what I've been doing and my writing which comforted me. Who doesn't like having proud parents?

The night was young and I still had time for a final trip to the Reggae Bar and another dose of the shisha!

Concentration: I'm attempting the dragon.

Mel shows me how it's done.

We're like a little family now.

Does anyone think that Steff looks like a Russian sailor in his stripy top? He keeps getting asked if he's Russian. It's bizarre.

Chinatown is completely different on a night. The streets are so quiet and everything is boarded up so it felt like I was in some old western movie. It would be fitting for a tumbleweed to waft by my ankles at this moment. Instead it was a giant cockroach followed by a judgemental white cat who turned its nose up at a rat which scuttled past.

Petaling Street: Seemingly the heart and soul of Chinatown

Rubbish and other debris coat the streets whilst the street lanterns hover above like fireflies.

Although my evening with the guys ended on a high, my return to the dorm soon brought me back to reality. It stank. I don't mean it was a little bit whiffy. It was so strong, I thought somebody had actually gone to the bathroom in my dorm. It was disgusting. I really feel that girls are a heck of a lot dirtier than guys. This moment just confirms it further! I decided to stay up as long as I could, using my laptop as a distraction, so I could then fall to sleep straight away and not choke on the fumes. Be warned guys, they may look all girly and innocent but they're not. They're worse than you!

*****

Mel, Steff and I checked out on the same day. We had to be out of our rooms by 12pm but could still use the hostel facilities. We stuck around for a bit and had something to eat before heading to KL Central station. Mel and Steff were going to catch a flight destined for the Gold Coast in Australia. They planned on renting a car and driving to Sydney. It sounded like a lovely way to see Australia and wished them luck. I was at the station incredibly early to hijack some wifi, call my friend back home and then eventually make my way to the platform for my night train.

Not before seeing this though...

First a palm reader, now a love test.

Are you a dead fish?

Kuala Lumpur was good but probably not worth a two week stay unless you're visiting friends. There's plenty to do socially but if you just want to "see the sights" then a day or two will be sufficient. Chinatown is crazy but if you've travelled within SE Asia you'll be fine. I enjoyed my time here and made some friends I hope to see again in the future.