Won't You Take Me To Chinatown

Reggae Mansion was a swish hostel compared to the ones I have previously stayed in. Others weren't so convinced. One girl exclaimed, "It's so small, hmph." Another commented on the following photo asking where the beds are.

Hopefully most of you can see the beds are the curtained cubicles with green lockers underneath. The girl on Facebook thought the cubicles were in fact cupboards. Oh dear. Cupboards in dorm rooms, ha!

The dorms were spacious, had multiple air con units and clothes hooks. That doesn't sound like much but its amenities like these that make life a little easier. The thing is, you can choose your dorm but you can't choose who resides in them. You get your snorers, your stinkers and your weirdos but this room took the biscuit. Nobody said hello and I seemed to be invisible when I tried to make conversation. No wait, I tell a lie. A girl asked me if I had a plug adapter. I did not (KL uses 3 pins like back home). The girl frowned and slipped away without a word. Pfft. I kept my curtain open to see if anyone would say "Hi" as they entered or left. I smiled at a few girls and greeted others but nothing. Ah well. I tried.

Breakfasts were good there. It was only on my third day that I realised it wasn't self-service and I was supposed to wait for someone to dish out the food. I was hungry dammit! I did get a bit bored of scrambled eggs each day and I ate far too much white bread toast. It was free and I can never resist a freebie. I seriously need to get my jog on in Australia.

I met up with Mel and Steffan but things weren't going so well for them. They both contracted Dengue Fever. Nasty. Steff got the brunt of the disease and ended up in hospital. Thankfully, both of them were ok. I told them about Reggae Mansion and convinced them to join me. They agreed to check in tomorrow. What cheered me up further was the trip to the cinema to see Tower Heist. Well, not initially. We rushed to make a showing but the queue was so damn slow. This felt exactly like home! However, unlike showings at home, in KL they don't have half an hour of adverts and trailers before a film. You'll be lucky if you see more than three trailers then it's straight into the movie. The server said that we'd have time but we clearly missed it. Annoyed, we purchased tickets for the next showing. We had a couple of hours to burn so decided to find somewhere to eat. This also proved to be a challenge as everything was shutting. As Mel argued with the abrupt waitress in Nandos, Steff and I ventured on as our stomachs growled with hunger. 

Three pasta dishes later and we were ready for our comedy injection. We laughed, hard. Eddie Murphy was on top form. I did have my doubts but these were quashed after the first scene stealing moment Murphy had. All smiles, we retreated to our hostels and agreed to meet in the morning.

*****

The rest of my week was a bit of a blur. Mel, Steff and I were a bundle of nerves trying to figure out a plan for Sydney. Backpackers each gave us their nuggets of wisdom. For me, none of it helped. So far all I've heard is the vague, "There are loads of jobs you'll be fine," or "Pick up some farm work." Is that all you have? Great, thanks. It's a good job I have friends who have either been to Australia or know people out there. I've received some great snippets of advice along the way. Once I have sorted my life out here, I will upload some informative pieces on each country I have been to.

With all this stress in the air, the three of us decided to unwind at the local Reggae Bar.

My first shisha moment...

Steff and his impression of a steam train.

Yep...I've no idea what I'm doing either...

Mel and Steff certainly had fun experimenting with the shisha

I had a lot of fun with Steff and Mel that night. It's nice to finally meet some people that I'll get to know well as opposed to spending one or two days with them and saying goodbye. It's one thing that has brought me down at certain points in my trip. Saying goodbye to awesome people isn't fun. I've said goodbye to some idiots too though so sometimes it is nice to have a change of scenery and meet new people.

Another good thing that has come from meeting Mel and Steff is how much they make me laugh. From their crazy "heated debates" to their weird accent impressions, I'm always guaranteed a smile when I'm around them. It may sound like an odd mix - me hanging out with a couple - but it never feels that way when I'm with them. Thankfully they're not one of those couples that constantly straddle each other nor are they of the smug variety too. they're just your average cute couple who I just happen to be great mates with. I've hung out with each of them separately too and it's never been a problem either. Steff is incredibly easy going and Mel doesn't go all Jeremy Kyle while she's at work and me and Steff have tea together.

Just to prove my point further, Heidi and Jon (the couple I met on my way to Ko Tao and then again in Krabi) stayed in Reggae Mansion a few days after I arrived. I didn't get to speak to them too much as they weren't in KL for long and I didn't want to get in the way. They are also heading over to Australia so I might see them again which would be lovely.

Despite my nerves for Australia, I'm happy and thankful for a lot of things. I have had more down moments than I thought I would along the way but it doesn't take me that long to dust myself off and get on with things. Whenever that happens I just think back to how I was feeling before the idea for this trip popped into my head and smile.

Fashion Failure

The good news is that Josh felt better, the bad news is that we no longer had a car. I had no idea what was happening and didn't want to press too much about what this meant for our plans that week. They had enough to deal with without some backpacker proclaiming, "What about meeeeeee?" I needn't have worried as Josh had a Plan B. Mummy De Souza entrusted Josh with her car. Hooray!

First on the agenda was sightseeing which meant travelling back to KL Central subsequently passing the danger spot that caught us out the night before. We were all a little nervy at that point but we made it to KL Central safe and sound. Phew. As we entered KL, the landscape transformed. Buildings sprouted from the ground and towered towards the sky. From where I was travelling in, the buildings appeared to conjugate in one area shunning their surroundings. 

My view from the car.

Each building was an architectural treat to the eye. So many different shapes and sizes drowned my eyes but one building did stand out and it was our first stop.

The Petronas Towers.

This is the building with the sole function of cooling the Petronas Towers.

A funky alternative to a chandelier in the reception of the towers.

We weren't able to visit the observation deck inside the towers as it was closed for maintenance. It was still worth a visit though. Josh, who is studying architecture, informed me that this structure is famed for its friendliness. I asked what he meant by that and Josh added that the lower decks and support pillars at the bottom of buildings similar to this are usually encased. Here, you are able to walk around as you please. Soon after that we witnessed a friendliness of a different kind. We approached someone to enquire about visiting the observation deck. He confirmed our thoughts of it being closed but continued to chatter away. He thought that we were all backpackers and couldn't quite get his head around the fact that these guys were showing me around. He shook each of our hands and we departed. This guy had the firmest handshake ever. I was still bouncing. I understand that, in general, a firm handshake represents confidence but Josh says that in Malaysia, the firmer the handshake, the better. Anything less is a sign of weakness. This guy was far from weak!

After our encounter with heavy-handshake guy, we went for a stroll in the park nearby. The sun showed no sign of leaving and beat us into thirsty submission. Not before taking some photos of course...

From left to right: Noel, Kenny and Josh.

An alternative perspective of the Petronas towers.

The building in the middle - The Troika, luxury apartments - was designed by Fosters and Partners, the firm behind the 30 St Mary Axe AKA The Gherkin in London.

Josh was a walking encyclopedia of all things KL. It certainly put my level of knowledge of England to shame.  I was asked whether I knew the meaning of Kuala Lumpur. I had no idea. It sounds quite exotic so was sure it meant something grandiose. It seems not. Kuala Lumpur translates to muddy estuary in Malay. Lovely. Well...I don't think I can top that moment!

With my injection of culture happily settling within my system, there was one more thing I needed to do before the day ended. For weeks now I have been trying not to succumb to my screaming desires but I just can't hold back any more. I need a device with wifi capabilities. It's not just to make updating my blog easier, but access to information in general. There are so many times when I have needed maps, hostel information or to book something but have had to go looking for an internet cafe and pay. I was looking for a good deal though. It was a good job I had someone who works at HP to seek out the best gadge then.

The guys took me to a shopping mall dedicated to gadgets - cameras, laptops, mobile phones, tablets...etc. It was slightly overwhelming but it didn't take me long to find a good deal. I got a nice little netbook/notebook in sexy red. Oh and it has 2GB memory and 500GB storage which is good enough for me. The guy also threw in a pack of goodies including a case, brushes and cleaner, USB hub, headphones and a mouse. I was very happy and looked forward to trying it out. Unfortunately, when we got back home, it turned out that the wifi wasn't connected so no fun for me.

Walking back to the car, I remembered something that I wanted to ask for a while now. I kept seeing VIP stickers stuck on peoples' windscreens and was curious as to what it meant. Noel's car and the family car both have these stickers.

What the hell is a McDonald's VIP?

Josh informed me that McDonald's is the most common food eaten in Malaysia. He went on to tell me that some people eat it every day or at least three times a week. Josh said that if he called McDonald's (call them?!) then they would know straight away who he was. You get extra fries and free upgrades with being a VIP. You can call ahead and ask for a meal to be ready for when you arrive and queue jump. Ha! Of all the places in the world where you would think that queue jumping would be an option, McDonald's would be my last choice! This is madness!

We didn't have McDonald's that night, instead, we had meatballs and chips at Ikea. Random but pretty good actually. I got to know Josh's mum a bit more and became very jealous as she works in a bakery and brings home goodies at the end of her shift. As always, it's all about the cake.

As there was no internet at home we went to an internet cafe. I was a little bit grouchy as I'd just bought a netbook and I couldn't use it yet. The place was filled with teenage boys who were still there when we left in the early hours.

*****

I ended up doing absolutely nothing the next day. I think Josh was out at college and I had no idea where Noel was. I didn't really know where I was or what there was to do around the immediate area. Instead, I had a forced lazy day. I think it was this day that Josh showed me his family photos. It was such a sweet moment. As Josh was the first born, there were lots of photos of him as a baby. His brothers and sisters were all cute little children. I also got to see photos of his father who is no longer with us. Josh spoke openly about his father and the rest of his family which was surprisingly kind.

*****

The following day I tried to be a bit more proactive. There was more shopping that I needed to do and where better to do it than KL? There are malls everywhere. Victoria, Josh's sister, joined us. It was good to have female company as shopping with guys isn't the greatest...although they do come in handy with bag carrying....

We went to a lower market mall with cheap clothes. This is exactly what I needed. I know that my clothes aren't going to last very long seen as I wear each item so much. What's the point in buying something high street when I can get the same for cheaper elsewhere? At first I couldn't find anything I wanted. The shops were full of party outfits and dresses, lots and lots of beautiful dresses. I did get distracted. I love dresses. But no. I had a list and I needed to stick to it. I found some basic tops soon enough but buying leggings was surprisingly difficult. Each shop I went to refused me entry to the changing rooms with leggings. The shop assistants proclaimed that the leggings will fit and that one size fits all. With that, they'd stretch the leggings out to an unhealthy width as if that was meant to convince me. I think we've all seen the girls who wear leggings of the wrong size. The first sign is the thinning of the material so it becomes almost see through. The next is the elasticated waistband which digs into your sides creating a very unflattering look. I want to hide my love handles, not quadruple them!

I almost gave up when we stumbled across a very odd looking shop. It was definitely my last resort. Could a shop that contains the following outfits hold leggings? And by leggings, I mean plain black leggings. No glitter, tassels or crazy patterns. Please?

Noel showed an unhealthy attachment to this outfit.

The perfect outfit for a night out in KL?

This was just the display outside. What was on the inside was a whole world of weird. It was like a cross between Ann Summers, a fancy dress shop and a vintage New Look. Somehow they had leggings. Nice, normal leggings. What's more, the shop assistant was lovely and let me try them on. They were a perfect fit and made up of good quality material. I decided that I needed to explore this shop further. However, for some reason, the shop assistant decided to follow me around. From the fluffy negligee and man-thongs to the crazy fancy dress/role play outfits (these guys had more than just maids, coppers and nurses, wow!). I decided to pay for my leggings and go as this place was freaking me out!

So that was that. A crazy end to a lovely week spent with the De Souza family. It was nice to be around a family and feel somewhat settled for once. I felt incredibly welcomed despite the fact that I was a complete stranger to all but one of them.

Noel and Josh escorted me to my next destination, Reggae Mansion in Chinatown. Noel carried the beast with ease which was impressive. I had to carry it up two flights of stairs though when I arrived. Reggae Mansion is massive. It's only two months old so it stood out like a flower amid a bed of wilting weeds. Not to be too harsh on Chinatown but it was, as a friend so aptly put, a nut job. It is very busy and worn down. The hostel was fresh, inviting and swarming with backpackers. I had my own cubicle with a locker below my bed with enough space to fit the beast and its offspring. I dumped my stuff and went downstairs to meet Josh and Noel. We had lunch at the adjoining restaurant which was cheap and tasty. We were going to venture out further but...

Crazy town.

Reggae Mansion by night.

The rest of the day flew by and it was time to settle down and think about what I need to do before I head out to Australia.

Let Them Eat Cake

Poor Josh was still sickie so had to bow out from a lot of what we did over the next few days. It was a shame and, at the same time, a little strange that I would be spending more time with his brothers and sisters than with him. It's a good job his family are lovely then! Josh lives at home with his two brothers and one of his sisters - I don't think I mentioned that Josh's family is massive! I believe he has two brothers and three sisters but don't quote me on that as I might have lost count part way through my stay! I only have one sibling so anything more than that is a large family to me.

I spent most of the day with Noel and Kenny. Noel was chatty and friendly whereas Kenny didn't say that much unless it was to say that something is boring. Kenny is the most difficult person to please but I think that's what most teenagers are like. Noel was very honest and open about a lot of aspects in his life which was foreign to me. There are certain things I don't mind talking about so I reciprocated. 

It was another late night late morning so we spent the afternoon in one of KL's many shopping malls. This one was Egyptian themed and called Sunway Pyramid. As the name suggests, the building is pyramid shaped and "protected" by a large lion statue at the front. The decor indoors consists of an unlimited supply of gold leafing emblazoned with hieroglyphics. As a finishing touch, the mall also includes...

...an ice rink of course.

We had a quick wander around but food was needed fast. The decision to come to Sunway actually came from my craving for french fries. I haven't eaten many good versions of the french fry since being away but was optimistic that Malay fries would be close to the best. This mall had a restaurant that sold french fries and french fries alone with any topping you can think of. Be that chocolate (you weirdos), wasabi (brave...or stupid) to the basics - cheese, chilli etc. I had chips, cheese and BBQ mayo. Noel received his bolognese chips first and a while later I received mine. I'm not sure if the delay in serving each person's dish is an Asian thing or a strange coincidence. Thailand was the same. One person would get their dish, then 10-15 minutes later another person would get their dish. My theory is that usually families and groups of friends order dishes to share so timing is never an issue.

The Malay's love for food has been the strongest on my travels. I got a similar feeling when in Japan but I think that was more to do with the appreciation for the best food. This is only the beginning for Malays. It seems like all they think about is food - http://feedmelah.com/blog/malaysians-love-food/. Perhaps I have Malay blood as I feel exactly the same way about cake. The thought train listed in the link above is exactly what I go through but with cake. I love food too so felt right at home here. I was so happy.

My day just seemed to get better and better. We went to a shop that had tubs of samples for every type of sweet in the store. I was reluctant to go in as I knew I'd end up buying something. We went in...and I bought something. I took advantage of the free samples and nobody judged me for it. I left with sour apple sugar strips and gummy bears. I thought I'd received my sugar fix for the day when I sniffed something else out...

Ultimate Food Challenge: Mushroom popcorn anyone?

This looked pretty gross. The challenge was to eat a tub and a further bag of mushroom flavoured popcorn. I think I'd be sick after one bite. The popcorn was provided by a stall in the shopping centre that only sells popcorn with crazy flavours - curry flavour, wasabi (seriously what is it with you guys?), chocolate, caramel etc. The popcorn is full flavoured and seedless. It's a franchise so if anyone is looking for a new business venture, bring this across to the UK and you'd be minted. Maybe leave the wasabi behind though.

I decided to have a look at what other challenges were available. There was an ice cream guzzling contest which made me shiver. I have sensitive teeth so brain freeze would be the last thing on my mind. There was a Nandos chicken leg eating contest and then I saw one that made me stop in my tracks. Dessert gobbling contest...dessert...gobbling...contest. Sign me up!!! I signed up. I needed a contact number so used Noel's and was told that I would be called before the contest begins. I needed to arrive an hour before it starts. That's my next day planned then! I really hoped I would be chosen as that challenge sounded awesome. It was guaranteed that I would win so saw what the prize was. A year's free eating at the sponsor's restaurant/shop. Free cake for a year? I'm not here for a year so was thinking about how much cake I could eat before I'd leave (Singapore customs declarations: Any food, plants etc: Cake and lots of it. Let me in please). Maybe I could make some room in my backpack for more cake. The beast was, at this point, with-child. I decided to attach my day pack to my main pack to accommodate for some extra items I acquired. I'm packing for two now so the added cake would be a perfect use of the extra space!

Fi geek as well as an action seeker, comedy lover and so on and so forth. It's only horror that I refuse to watch. Why would I want to pay to see that?

*****

I decided to forfeit breakfast in preparation for today's inevitable feasting. I was optimistic that I would get chosen. If I turned up in good time, I'm sure I'd get through. They accept the first 20 people they can contact and I'm not sure how long the waiting list was but it just had to happen. Time moved on and I didn't get chosen. I was gutted. I decided to torture myself and see what the challenge was. Ok, challenge is an insult. All they had to do was gobble a teeny tiny pancake and a small pot of yogurt. That'd take me less than a minute. This is meant to be a food challenge! I had dizzying daydreams of the cake eating scene in Matilda (Bruce Bogtrotter - go Brucie!). I think I would have been more disappointed had I been chosen and ended up eating that drivel. I'm glad I stayed around as that made me feel a lot better. It was only when we walked back to the car that Noel discovered two missed calls on his phone from a number he didn't recognise. This was around the time that the mall would be calling people for the contest. Seen as Noel and his family know pretty much everyone in KL, I knew this was definitely Sunway. Damn. I told Noel he owed me a massive piece of cake Noel kindly offered to buy me some cake to make up for it.

Although I have been in KL for a couple of days, I haven't actually seen much of it. Noel drove us to the college to pick up Josh and drive into KL central. I was looking forward to seeing the Petronas Towers at night. Unfortunately we got a bit sidetracked...

Oh dear. I like how Josh is casually leaning out of the window having a smoke. The door on his side wouldn't open.

We were involved in a five car collision on the way to KL central. We were in the last car which isn't good news for any Malaysian. Here, the person in the last car pays for all the damage caused to the cars in front. It doesn't matter who caused the crash. I couldn't believe it. Noel stormed out of the car to investigate the damage and find out what happened. There was already oil on the road from a crash that happened hours previously. The heavy rain didn't help either. We happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I had no idea what was going to happen and didn't want to seem pushy so I just waited around. I decided to go for a little nap as it seemed like we were going to be there for a while waiting for the breakdown service. I was told that Josh's sister would be coming to pick us up. Kenny and I went off with the rest of his family for something to eat. Josh and Noel went to the police station and joined us later for food. The ride home was interesting...

In front, Kenny on Josh's lap, I'm on the right, Noel is in the middle and to the left is Josh's two sisters.

I had no idea what would happen now we didn't have a car. Obviously I can use public transport but I had no idea where I was and relied on Noel and Josh to ferry me about!

Family, Friendship And Foooood!

I'm not sure Thailand and I were a good fit, especially as Japan was my previous destination. It was a step down for me in many ways. Japan is incredibly safe, very clean and extremely organised. Thailand wasn't the safest, isn't that clean and I don't think the word organisation has a Thai translation being that it doesn't exist. I didn't feel very welcome and felt like an inconvenience most of the time. It felt like the locals were fed up with tourists crowding their streets and filling their bars but the money is needed. I witnessed the bittersweet relationship locals have with tourists. Of course there are always the exceptions and I have listened to other peoples' different experiences. If I went to Chiang Mai/Rai, it would have been a very different story. This is one of the reasons why I was so happy to be staying with Josh and his family for the first week of my stay in KL. I'd definitely gain a better insight into the Malay culture.

Josh took me back to his family home in Selangor. Despite Josh's tired state, he still managed to recount some facts about his home town. Selangor is a well developed and rich state of Malaysia. Many millionaires live here. It took all my energy to keep my eyes open and my mind whirring so I don't recall any other facts.

Josh and I were both exhausted so went straight to bed. I was briefly introduced to one of his brothers who was asleep on the couch. I had no idea what the plan was for my stay with them but thought I'd just go with it and see what happens.

The first thing I learned about the Malay lifestyle is that everyone is laid back. So laid back that these guys are practically horizontal. Josh and his brothers were very honest about this and a battle of one-upmanship unfolded. I could somewhat relate as I too am quite lazy at times. Today, I was thankful for this behaviour as I was exhausted. We got up late, watched a bit of TV and headed out for breakfast. This is where my second lesson in Malay living occurred. Malays love their food so my large and choosy appetite was applauded. It's not unusual for a Malay to drive over two hours (one way) for a great meal. I love that. Thanks to Josh's brother Noel, driving was certainly not an issue. Noel was our chauffeur during my stay which made things a lot easier as I didn't have to navigate!

I wasn't sure what to have to eat as it wasn't really breakfast time - we headed out at around 2pm! As I was still undecided, Josh picked the destination. Noel, Ken (Josh's other brother), Josh and I headed over to Asia Cafe which is an open food court. As we neared an already occupied table, Josh whispered to me that I'm about to meet a prince but to act as I normally would. Before I had time to react, Josh and his brothers greeted their friends and introduced me. If I knew I was going to be meeting a prince, I would have done something better with my hair or put some tinted moisturiser on at least! I needn't have worried as Josh was right in telling me to act normal. If Josh hadn't have mentioned that he was royalty, I'd have no idea! He looked and acted like any other teenager.

Josh and I returned with some chicken and rice. As I tucked in to this tasty yet wallet-friendly meal, I tried to keep up with the conversation flow. It soon turned to football and, as Manchester United had just lost to Manchester City 6-1, the table were taking turns in ribbing the prince and Noel. The prince knew his stuff and a tirade of facts and impressive beat downs danced off of his tongue and his mates had nothing left. He saw me turn up my nose and asked who I supported. When I said Arsenal it spurred another conversation about how poorly they started off in the season. Someone told me they're going to get relegated this season. Ha! I expressed my opinion on Manchester United. The prince and I had our own little sparring session. It was great but a bit surreal given the context.

The prince asked everyone if they were coming out that night. I was definitely in as I wanted to know how royalty partied! He went round and asked everyone. One guy wasn't feeling up to it as he was getting over his ex but the prince twisted his arm eventually. Another protested saying he wasn't invited. He bit back, "Oh stop being so Chinese and come out." I laughed along with everyone and gave Josh a look of shock. Did he really just say that? Josh said that it's a Malay thing, ribbing each race like that. It's all meant in jest. Apparently it's polite in China to receive an invite to a party rather than just show up, so the prince's exasperation in his friend needing an invite prior to him asking was apt. Another jovial jab I picked up was a play on Pitbull's hit Give Me Everything with the chorus singing, "Grab somebody Indian tell them dei!" This is a play on their accent. I don't think this kind of innocent banter could ever exist in England.

I learnt other phrases and sayings in KL. In Malaysia the word "lah" is added to the end of words to add emphasis. I tried it a few times but thought I sounded silly so stopped. It felt like the moment when an aging adult attempts to use phrases overheard from teenagers. It just doesn't work. I also learnt that the Malaysian word for squid is used to describe an effeminate guy and the word clam is used to describe girly-girls.

On that note, it was time to go and I was in the mood for cake. Malaysia just happens to be full of bakeries and patisseries. Amen. Josh guided me to a suitable outlet and I picked up some chocolatey goodness.

Hello my pretty.

We spent the rest of the day chatting amongst ourselves and watching random drivel on the television. Josh has been ill for the past few days and it hadn't cleared up. We decided to give the night out a miss. I was still beat from the overnight coach ride so, despite my curiosity of how a night out in Malaysia would pan out, I was slightly grateful for the rest.

A statement, that would be repeated many times to me during my stay, was uttered at that moment - "What would you like to eat?" I had no idea so asked the guys to throw dish names at me and see which one stuck. I hadn't had a proper curry since being away and was craving it. When we arrived at the Malaysian-style curry house I was completely out of my element. The only thing that I understood on the menu was "Plain Naan". I asked the guys for help and ordered what I thought was a curry. What arrived in different stages was a large naan with a sauce platter, a plate of white rice and a plate of dry tandoori chicken. Ok. Not what I'm used to but it was nice. I do like a lot of sauce with my curry but the chicken was flavoursome without it. As the others tucked into some rice, we discussed several things that I could do whilst I was there and I was looking forward to the coming days.

The Longest Journey

I have now realised why I get that nervy unsettling feeling at the pit of my stomach each time I move to a new place. It's not that I think that I might have forgotten something. It's not that I'm moving to an area I'm not familiar with and it's certainly not culture shock. It has now dawned on me that moving to a new place means there's an arse of a journey ahead of me. I get through it like any other day and soon forget about the turmoil that unfolded once I have slept, eaten and had a much needed shower. I embrace my new home like an old friend and the events that unfolded hours previously are soon forgotten and replaced with the excitement of what's to come.

My journey from Phuket to Kuala Lumpur epitomises the above. With each move day, I feel a sense of pride in managing to organise my backpack with army precision. This day was no different. I shuffled my luggage down to reception and enjoyed my breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast included in my room charge. Happily replete, I carry myself across to reception to reconfirm for the third time that my bus is coming for me at 7:30am. TAT still hadn't sent across details of the journey itself or an arrival time which was especially annoying as I was due to meet and stay with a friend I made in Bangkok. Unfortunately, I had to leave a very vague Facebook message and hope for the best. In a last ditch attempt to calculate an arrival time I casually asked how long the journey would be - "24 hours madam." Say what now? I stumbled to the nearest seat. That can't be right. TAT told me 14 hours. I googled the distance and it's only a couple of hundred kilometers further than a journey which took me 10 hours. How would it take 14 hours extra for that short a distance? I started to list all the weird and wonderful methods of transport that could be slow enough to take me to KL in that time...

As the clock neared 9:30am, I was sat at the side of the road with some equally clueless travellers. I was still in Phuket and it was during this moment that I realised the journey really was going to be 24 hours. A couple next to me only just discovered this news and were arguing and pinning the blame on each other. I was alone so the fault was purely rested at my feet. I still wasn't too fussed as it's done now. I just wanted to get on the bus and rest. A mini-bus, that had previously toured Phuket picking up more and more travellers until we were uncomfortably squished in, had departed without so much as a goodbye. We then discovered that another mini-bus was on its way to pick us up. Six hours later, we arrived in Hat Yai. Drifting in and out of sleep made me feel worse but thankfully the couple from before were really chatty. Melissa and Steffan had seen a lot more of Thailand than I had but didn't have the best of luck. They had 200GBP stolen on their first day and their luggage was searched through on a bus journey. Steffan had an eye infection too and had a reaction to a cream he purchased from one of the pharmacies. My building collection of mozzie bites certainly paled in comparison. Mel and Steff told me they will also be heading to Australia and will base themselves in Sydney. I didn't have any firm plans but had a possible job contact in Sydney. We made loose plans to meet up and possibly house share. All our spirits lifted at this point. It was one good thing to come out of this hellish bus journey.

I felt a bit sorry for Steffan as Melissa and I bonded straight away. We had a lot in common and it was nice to have female company again. We arrived in Hat Yai with a smile only for it to be broken again with the news that it was a two and half hour wait until our coach to KL arrived. Steffan and I accepted our fate but Mel didn't let go just yet. We left her to argue with the ticket assistant and took a seat indoors. Mel came over, defeated. We decided to venture out for some food but couldn't find anyway that looked appetising. In the end we had to settle for KFC. It wasn't that nice. It was on our way back to the pick up point that we discovered a beautiful bakery that sold cake, food and ice cream. I was already full from the grease bucket earlier but enjoyed the free ice cream samples and decided to order a couple of scoops. Mel and Steff had a smoothie and two rounds of ice cream. Ironically, we didn't want to leave Hat Yai just yet but our coach had arrived.

The coach journey was standard. Idiot in front slammed is chair into my knees twice. He was lucky I didn't grab his ponytail and smash his face against the window. Of course, violence is never the answer. He was a drainer. The flashiest of flashpackers brandishing his passport and it's array of stamps from each country he has visited. I zoned out and put my music on. I wish it was a straight journey to KL but, as there wasn't a toilet on board, it was a continual stop-start situation. I had no chance of getting any sleep. I became progressively grumpy as the hours ticked by. I'm pretty sure I was foaming at the mouth when I reached border control. These two ladyboys were kicking off at the officials who questioned them. It's their own damn fault. They had male passports and filled out female details on the immigration slip. What did you think was going to happen? My patience was at its lowest ebb. Get me out of here!

We arrived two and a half hours earlier than scheduled. We had no idea where we were. Taxis were lined up and the drivers swarmed round each passenger like a hungry pack of hyenas sizing up its prey. We broke away from the chaos and I decided to follow Mel and Steff to their hostel until I could figure things out. It sounds like a good thing arriving early, but it was 4:30am and I told my friend that I'd be arriving at 7am. If he was a sane person, he'd be fast asleep. I had a little while to figure out a plan of action when I arrived at the hostel. Steff had lost the address details (a common occurrence) which delayed us somewhat. We managed to get the correct directions and found the hostel to be around the corner from the pick up point. A sneaky taxi driver said he would take us there but thankfully we declined. Another backpacker wasn't so lucky and was driven around for 15 minutes until arriving at the hostel. We each made a mental note not to trust the taxi drivers in KL!

The kind hostel receptionist allowed me to call my friend Josh who I had arranged to stay with. I thought I'd leave a voicemail and just hang around at the hostel. Josh picked up. Shit. It sounded like I woke him up. I previously left Josh a garbled voicemail in Hat Yai after Mel let me borrow her phone. He said he knew I'd be arriving earlier than expected. Josh couldn't pick me up so when the call ended I decided to check into the hostel and sleep for a while, then meet Josh later in the day. I was just about to hand over my debit card when Josh called back the hostel and said he'd come and pick me up. I was extremely thankful to him for that. I hugged Mel goodbye and said I'd be in touch when I'm next back in KL Central and off I went with Josh...

Weight arriving in Thailand: 66kg
Weight departing Thailand: 67.5kg
Spend in Thailand: TBC

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

This blog post marks a momentous occasion, for this will be my 50th post...wowsers! So to celebrate, I've decided to show you all the funny photos I have collected from Phuket to present. Most of them are of signs and store names which have made me laugh throughout my travels. Also, there really isn't much for me to report on Phuket. The place itself was rather ordinary and because my hotel was a palace compared to some of the places I had stayed in previously, I decided to lock myself away and relaaaax...plus they had free internet! Here we go...

Phuket

How romantic - wife goes off shopping and leaves the husband here to get drunk and receive a lap dance. If you look closer, it says "We look after him for you! You only pay for his drinks!" Haha. A kept man.

As my friend pointed out, if this was in Bangkok it would have surely featured in The Hangover II! What a name!

It was the last statement here that made me laugh. Rather sweet but a tad oxymoronic.

I saw this sticker on a parked motorcycle. It's so true. Are you sure that's chicken you're eating from that street stall?

The same motorcycle. I know, hardly mature but still. It's just the size of the letters. Imagine this flying past you on the road...

Kuala Lumpur

We asked for a menu not realising that this monster would be brought out. This reminds me of giant doctor moments in Scrubs. It was a workout in itself holding that thing!

I like how insecure these guys are. They're the best fries, but, ya know, we don't want a law suit on our hands so let's stick "probably" before to avoid questions if people disagree and then "in town" at the bottom. We don't want to make it a global statement...

Very true. They still have them nasty hoses in the toilets though so I'm sure this threatening message falls on deaf ears here (or whatever the equivalent of that is when reading something...blind eyes?).

Hooray, no more squatties! This guy looks like he's about to freedive into the toilet bowl. I'm sure that's not allowed either.  

Stonor Street...pretty self explanatory.

I saw this after I ate here. Now that's just mean.

A shop I can recommend a few people to visit in Chinatown!

I have other photos to come but they're better used within text to add to the stories I'll tell. I'll be moving on to the annoying bus journey from Phuket to Kuala Lumpur and further tales in the city of good eats and endless shopping areas.

Final Days On Koh Phi Phi

With the (editing) mishaps of the previous posts out of the way, I shall move swiftly on...ahem.

It was the fourth day already, but after last night's shenanigans, I decided to take it easy...again. I'm on a sunny island, of course it's all about the relaxation! This time I can safely say my laziness is justified. I didn't meet the rest of the group until later in the evening. By that point everyone was either merry or absolutely sloshed/wasted/smashed/blotted...cabbaged?* Despite the dodgy disposition of my peers, we started a game of King's Cup. We had some fun to begin with...

One of the players (American girl, forgotten her name), was dared to jump into the next trailer and ride along with the local. These things go past all the time.

Oli was dared to propose to the next guy he saw...

Aww...he said yes!

Michelle was dared to borrow a bicycle and ride it around outside. It would have been funnier if the owner caught Michelle doing this but never mind.

It was shortly after these dares took place, that we decided to end the game as nobody was following the rules. It was a bit chaotic and the drunks were getting drunker but not in a funny way. 

Today was the day that New Zealand beat the French in the Rugby World Cup final. Everyone was rowdy and Texas kept shouting, "Fuck the French maaaaan!!" I thought Frenchy would be in hiding but he came out and joined us for a drink. I bet he was getting a lot of abuse though. Texas wasn't calming down but he got distracted by a newbie. John from Boston asked if he could join us. He must be mad if our rowdy group looked inviting to him! We had a brief chat before Texas took over. Most of the time, we weren't sure what he was saying, but he did a good impression of a Bostonite according to John. We were all laughing along when things turned ugly. For some reason Texas decided to spout off some random crap about girls and his philosophy. Again, we had no idea what he was talking about but humoured him. He then decided to use me as an example. It was at this point that I understood exactly what he was saying. I gave him my interpretation and asked whether that is what he meant and he said yes. Basically, he said that I wasn't a nice looking girl and that I'm lucky to be on Phi Phi as most of the guys here are drunk. I have a 1 in 50 chance of getting with a guy but because I'm sober, it's more like 1 in 450. Don't ask me where these figures were coming from but it sounded like he'd either thought about it a bit too much or was talking out of his arse. Either way, I wasn't happy. Oh he can say whatever he wants, I've heard worse from better. It was just the fact that it was in front of this guy that I'd known for five minutes. I was so embarrassed and upset that he had to hear that. Neither of us knew what to say. Obviously if John defended me it could come across as fake and insincere so he refrained. Either that or he believed him but at that point I didn't care. If I was alone or had a few more drinks down me, I would have outwitted him and talked him down...or thrown his (emphasis on his) drink on him. I chose to let it go as I didn't want to make a scene. John soon moved away and I didn't blame him. Texas wanted me to hi-five him and I replied by saying, "Fuck you!". Texas tried to justify himself by saying that he's a drunken asshole. Well yeah!

A couple of hours later the girls started saying how Texas was a great guy. It was then that I decided to say something because he was really starting to get on my nerves. Texas was at the bar and I told the girls everything that he said. They couldn't believe it. Gemma

I was in shock. Firstly, because I made a ridiculously huge American "bodyguard' cry but also because the girls stuck up for me. I wasn't expecting that and it left me with a warm fuzzy feeling inside. It's nice to know that someone has your back.

I thought that would be that, but no. Everyone proceeded to talk about it. It was like Chinese whispers up the table. It was awful. Thanks Texas, all my insecurities laid bare. Lovely. I wanted to bury myself. I wasn't up for a night out and the girls seemed beat from the night before. We all left and agreed to meet tomorrow.

*****

My final day...and I was sick. I spent most of the day in bed but ran out of water so forced myself out. I bought a couple of snacks so I'd have something in my system and three bottles of water. I had a film day. Thank you TV! I couldn't sleep so if it wasn't for that, I'd cry with boredom. My day was made up of 2 Fast 2 Furious, Back to the Future II,  A Knight's Tale, Tropic Thunder and Transformers. I was gutted that I didn't get to say a proper goodbye to the girls but there was no way I could handle another trip down the hill. 

My time in Koh Phi Phi had come to an end and I was so happy that I met some good people. I had plenty of laughs and finally found some girl-mates! Next stop...Phuket.

*according to BBC News, this is a word to describe being drunk...ok then.

Laughing Out Loud in Koh Phi Phi - Part Three

This probably isn't the greatest of starts to a blog entry, but I must write a short note to say I'm sorry for messing up my blog entries for Phi Phi! I checked my diary and got my days muddled a bit. I'm picky when it comes to things like that on my blog so I've had to move things around a bit. It does confuse things slightly but at least it's all in the correct order now!

So it turned out the drinking games happened on day two, not day one. So I've had to shorten part one, and shuffle things across...deary me.

*****

On my third day, I took a boat trip with Michelle and Katie. Emma wasn't feeling well and Gemma had a foot injury which couldn't be exposed to water. Michelle booked and paid for my place so I didn't really know where we were going. We went to the supermarket near the pier for supplies. I picked out some snacks whilst Katie and Michelle bought beer and cigarettes. I was hanging out with the big guns now. We were the first ones to arrive at the meeting point and we had no idea how many people were booked on the trip. Soon enough, the numbers grew and it was time to depart. The guides tried to divide the group but Michelle and Katie already spotted that one boat had couples on. We did NOT want to go on the couples boat! We ignored the guide's pleas to move across to the other boat. Other's soon cottoned on and followed suit. As we sailed away, we spotted one boat with twice as many people on it as ours. Technically the couples could have fitted onto our boat but never mind.

As the girls cracked open their first beers, the boat's inhabitants introduced themselves. Two sisters from Ireland, a European couple, three girls from Manchester and another two European guys. Everyone was chatty and the atmosphere was relaxed. I still had no idea where I was going or what the day would bring. I wasn't too bothered really as the trip itself was cheap (around 5GBP) and the company was good.

Our first stop was a monkey cave. I'd already experienced the company of monkeys in Krabi so knew what to expect. Katie spotted a monkey straight away and aptly called him Mr Nipples.

There was litter everywhere - drink cartons, food debris and general rubbish - it wasn't pleasant. We couldn't see any monkeys at first so ventured in further for a closer look. What followed was like a scene from the Planet of the Apes. All these monkeys cascaded down the cave walls and surrounded us. I wasn't intimidated at first but then they started running at us and I didn't want to get bitten. One chased Katie who reacted by staying stationary and shouting, "No!" whilst pointing her finger. These aren't school children! Inevitably, the monkey ignored Katie and leapt at her. We all ran back to the shore. By this point, other boat tours had arrived. A large group of guys strutted on to the island. They obviously thought that we were being girly girls and walked by us in a we'll-show-you-how-it's-done fashion. I have the result on video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXfTjphNrJ0&feature=feedu. It was hilarious. The monkeys ran at the guys and they squealed like little girls. Nobody else would move forward. One guy posed for a photo and his mates wound him up by crying wolf. They acted as if there was a monkey near him. When he turned and saw nothing there he laughed. The next time, there actually were two monkeys running up to him. He obviously thought it was a joke so carried on posing. The two monkeys grabbed his leg. I'm not sure if they bit him but he was certainly shook up. We couldn't stop laughing though. All that male bravado for nothing.

We didn't hang about for long and set sail for our next destination. We made two stops for swimming. The first one was a bit uneventful. The water was shallow and not that warm. We swam about for a bit and enjoyed the view but became bored after a while. As we were chatting away, we noticed a large fancy speedboat with a couple sunbathing on the deck. One local was retrieving the anchor which entailed pressing a button and watching an electronic device drag it back in. Another local was passing the woman a towel and the guy a drink. We stood there agog at the sight. I was very jealous and I think we all started a train of thought as to what these guys do to earn enough money for that. The guy noticed us looking up and we smiled and waved. He couldn't understand why we were laughing. We couldn't help but see the funny side as we stood next to our beaten up longtail boat whilst they lounged on luxury.

On the way to our next stop, it started to rain. The wind picked up which made the seas choppy and difficult to move in. We were bobbing about and getting battered by the rain and waves. It wasn't looking good. We stopped to do a bit of snorkelling. We were all a little reluctant to go in the water - a) Because it was heavily raining, b) Because it was cold and c) We didn't think there would be any fish around. The sea was rough but, despite the rain, the snorkelling was rather good. We saw lots of fish and it did take me back to my trip in Koh Tao. The waves kept crashing into me and my snorkelling tube kept filling up with water. In the end I gave up and went back to the boat. 

Poor love. At first it was just the shower cap. We couldn't stop laughing. Katie shouted: "Your hair will still get wet!" One of the European guys couldn't believe his eyes and exclaimed "What the fuck?" When she got into the water, the rubber ring was added. I felt sorry for her as she splashed and flailed about in the water on her own.

The girls got in the water...with their beers of course. Hey, one guy had Pringles in there! I failed to get shower cap girl in the photo which is what Katie is pointing at. Damn.

Every place that I have been to that required swim wear has always left me slightly traumatised for one reason. Speedos. Teeny, tiny, clingy, gross Speedos. Why do men wear them? They aren't flattering and they draw attention to the one area that only a select minority can brag about if you get my drift. I have yet to find a guy who can pull off the Speedo look. Unfortunately I do not have a photo of the guy in question on this beach. I'll try my best to paint a delightful picture for you instead. He was the shade of mahogany with blood vessels close to bursting point all over his body. His age was unidentifiable because of the sun damage but I reckon he was retirement age. He had small, almost gangly legs with a pot belly and slight man boobs. The Speedos were small...too small. So small that we saw a little too much arse. Despite this vile exhibit, we couldn't tear our eyes off him. He was posing on the beach. Firstly alone, then with his son who looked ghost white stood next to him. He then (dry heaves) sat on the sandy beach to take photos of his family. When he stood up, he had a massive wedgie. 

Katie (right) and Michelle (left) reenacted the scene.

Katie took it one step further...

The temperature started to drop and we wanted to leave. Most of us headed back to the boat. There were around six boats parked up on the beach. Each boat was linked together. Fortunately, we only had to climb over one boat to get to ours. We sat down and tried to warm up. Our guide was preparing fruit for us to eat on the journey back. To our left, a collection of guides were inhaling from a large bamboo bong. We were glad they weren't the ones to steer us back home!

As we set off back to the island, we saw this...

At the time, we all thought it was a corporate boat and were astounded by its stature. It looked like a spaceship. I noticed that it was solar powered and we all laughed. Although we're in a shabby longtail boat, at least we're moving! The sky was overcast and it was still raining so that boat was going nowhere. Due to the weather conditions, my photo isn't the greatest which is unfortunate. As we passed the boat I noticed a guy standing at the bottom of the ship, smoking a cigarette. One of the guys from our group shouted, "How much did it cost?" To which the smoking guy replied, "It was free." We gave the thumbs up. Sounds a bit geeky but it was an awesome moment. I Googled the boats name and realised that it was quite a significant moment. The boat we saw is currently travelling the world and is the first solar powered boat to do so - Planet Solar. 

When we hit the island, all I wanted to do was jump in the shower. I began the long trek back to my hut. I submitted my key into reception for my room to be cleaned. I also picked up my washing which took two days to complete. The wash wasn't even that thorough but it was better than nothing at all. I entered my room, dumped my stuff and was greeted with this sight.

I know it's nothing spectacular but it made me smile.

I had plenty of time to relax and get ready for a night of dancing. We started at the Irish Bar. We played random drinking games that didn't make sense to me. Naturally, I was drinking the most. I decided to have a cocktail to get into the partying mood. A random guy came up to us and asked if anyone wanted to share a bucket (drink) promotion - 500 baht for 3 buckets. A good deal for those who like them. I couldn't stomach it. We all kindly declined. Another guy started talking to me but I was distracted by the drinking games so wasn't fully committed to either. I hoped I didn't come across as rude. The guy departed and someone announced "shots". Before I knew it, I had a tasty looking multi-layered miniature beverage in front off me.

Time for a blowjob: "No hands!!" announced Gemma.

Takes a couple of minutes to adjust my mouth...it has been a while.

So lady-like...

Me, Gemma, Michelle then Emma and Katie (closest to the camera).

We were all in the mood for dancing but the Irish Bar only had a tiny dance floor so we moved on. We went to the Reggae Bar to catch a Thai boxing fight but got bored so went to the beach. The guy from earlier caught up with us. Him and his friend joined us at the Slinky Bar on the beach. It looked like a condensed Full Moon Party. There were people everywhere but I had enough room to breathe, so not quite like a FMP. The music was hit and miss but we had a brilliant night. We danced on the tables, drank beer and got merry. Drew and I walked out to the sea to cool down. It was a beautiful night. Suddenly I saw a figure coming towards us. Some random guy walked out into the sea. I was a little freaked out. It was so surreal. Maybe it was the beer or maybe it really was a weird moment. He came up to us and mumbled something incoherently, realised that he didn't know us, then stumbled off. It was at this point that I thought I best find my friends. They'd already moved on and I had enough weird for the night so went back to my hut on the hill for some shuteye.