Laughing Out Loud in Koh Phi Phi - Part Three

This probably isn't the greatest of starts to a blog entry, but I must write a short note to say I'm sorry for messing up my blog entries for Phi Phi! I checked my diary and got my days muddled a bit. I'm picky when it comes to things like that on my blog so I've had to move things around a bit. It does confuse things slightly but at least it's all in the correct order now!

So it turned out the drinking games happened on day two, not day one. So I've had to shorten part one, and shuffle things across...deary me.

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On my third day, I took a boat trip with Michelle and Katie. Emma wasn't feeling well and Gemma had a foot injury which couldn't be exposed to water. Michelle booked and paid for my place so I didn't really know where we were going. We went to the supermarket near the pier for supplies. I picked out some snacks whilst Katie and Michelle bought beer and cigarettes. I was hanging out with the big guns now. We were the first ones to arrive at the meeting point and we had no idea how many people were booked on the trip. Soon enough, the numbers grew and it was time to depart. The guides tried to divide the group but Michelle and Katie already spotted that one boat had couples on. We did NOT want to go on the couples boat! We ignored the guide's pleas to move across to the other boat. Other's soon cottoned on and followed suit. As we sailed away, we spotted one boat with twice as many people on it as ours. Technically the couples could have fitted onto our boat but never mind.

As the girls cracked open their first beers, the boat's inhabitants introduced themselves. Two sisters from Ireland, a European couple, three girls from Manchester and another two European guys. Everyone was chatty and the atmosphere was relaxed. I still had no idea where I was going or what the day would bring. I wasn't too bothered really as the trip itself was cheap (around 5GBP) and the company was good.

Our first stop was a monkey cave. I'd already experienced the company of monkeys in Krabi so knew what to expect. Katie spotted a monkey straight away and aptly called him Mr Nipples.

There was litter everywhere - drink cartons, food debris and general rubbish - it wasn't pleasant. We couldn't see any monkeys at first so ventured in further for a closer look. What followed was like a scene from the Planet of the Apes. All these monkeys cascaded down the cave walls and surrounded us. I wasn't intimidated at first but then they started running at us and I didn't want to get bitten. One chased Katie who reacted by staying stationary and shouting, "No!" whilst pointing her finger. These aren't school children! Inevitably, the monkey ignored Katie and leapt at her. We all ran back to the shore. By this point, other boat tours had arrived. A large group of guys strutted on to the island. They obviously thought that we were being girly girls and walked by us in a we'll-show-you-how-it's-done fashion. I have the result on video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXfTjphNrJ0&feature=feedu. It was hilarious. The monkeys ran at the guys and they squealed like little girls. Nobody else would move forward. One guy posed for a photo and his mates wound him up by crying wolf. They acted as if there was a monkey near him. When he turned and saw nothing there he laughed. The next time, there actually were two monkeys running up to him. He obviously thought it was a joke so carried on posing. The two monkeys grabbed his leg. I'm not sure if they bit him but he was certainly shook up. We couldn't stop laughing though. All that male bravado for nothing.

We didn't hang about for long and set sail for our next destination. We made two stops for swimming. The first one was a bit uneventful. The water was shallow and not that warm. We swam about for a bit and enjoyed the view but became bored after a while. As we were chatting away, we noticed a large fancy speedboat with a couple sunbathing on the deck. One local was retrieving the anchor which entailed pressing a button and watching an electronic device drag it back in. Another local was passing the woman a towel and the guy a drink. We stood there agog at the sight. I was very jealous and I think we all started a train of thought as to what these guys do to earn enough money for that. The guy noticed us looking up and we smiled and waved. He couldn't understand why we were laughing. We couldn't help but see the funny side as we stood next to our beaten up longtail boat whilst they lounged on luxury.

On the way to our next stop, it started to rain. The wind picked up which made the seas choppy and difficult to move in. We were bobbing about and getting battered by the rain and waves. It wasn't looking good. We stopped to do a bit of snorkelling. We were all a little reluctant to go in the water - a) Because it was heavily raining, b) Because it was cold and c) We didn't think there would be any fish around. The sea was rough but, despite the rain, the snorkelling was rather good. We saw lots of fish and it did take me back to my trip in Koh Tao. The waves kept crashing into me and my snorkelling tube kept filling up with water. In the end I gave up and went back to the boat. 

Poor love. At first it was just the shower cap. We couldn't stop laughing. Katie shouted: "Your hair will still get wet!" One of the European guys couldn't believe his eyes and exclaimed "What the fuck?" When she got into the water, the rubber ring was added. I felt sorry for her as she splashed and flailed about in the water on her own.

The girls got in the water...with their beers of course. Hey, one guy had Pringles in there! I failed to get shower cap girl in the photo which is what Katie is pointing at. Damn.

Every place that I have been to that required swim wear has always left me slightly traumatised for one reason. Speedos. Teeny, tiny, clingy, gross Speedos. Why do men wear them? They aren't flattering and they draw attention to the one area that only a select minority can brag about if you get my drift. I have yet to find a guy who can pull off the Speedo look. Unfortunately I do not have a photo of the guy in question on this beach. I'll try my best to paint a delightful picture for you instead. He was the shade of mahogany with blood vessels close to bursting point all over his body. His age was unidentifiable because of the sun damage but I reckon he was retirement age. He had small, almost gangly legs with a pot belly and slight man boobs. The Speedos were small...too small. So small that we saw a little too much arse. Despite this vile exhibit, we couldn't tear our eyes off him. He was posing on the beach. Firstly alone, then with his son who looked ghost white stood next to him. He then (dry heaves) sat on the sandy beach to take photos of his family. When he stood up, he had a massive wedgie. 

Katie (right) and Michelle (left) reenacted the scene.

Katie took it one step further...

The temperature started to drop and we wanted to leave. Most of us headed back to the boat. There were around six boats parked up on the beach. Each boat was linked together. Fortunately, we only had to climb over one boat to get to ours. We sat down and tried to warm up. Our guide was preparing fruit for us to eat on the journey back. To our left, a collection of guides were inhaling from a large bamboo bong. We were glad they weren't the ones to steer us back home!

As we set off back to the island, we saw this...

At the time, we all thought it was a corporate boat and were astounded by its stature. It looked like a spaceship. I noticed that it was solar powered and we all laughed. Although we're in a shabby longtail boat, at least we're moving! The sky was overcast and it was still raining so that boat was going nowhere. Due to the weather conditions, my photo isn't the greatest which is unfortunate. As we passed the boat I noticed a guy standing at the bottom of the ship, smoking a cigarette. One of the guys from our group shouted, "How much did it cost?" To which the smoking guy replied, "It was free." We gave the thumbs up. Sounds a bit geeky but it was an awesome moment. I Googled the boats name and realised that it was quite a significant moment. The boat we saw is currently travelling the world and is the first solar powered boat to do so - Planet Solar. 

When we hit the island, all I wanted to do was jump in the shower. I began the long trek back to my hut. I submitted my key into reception for my room to be cleaned. I also picked up my washing which took two days to complete. The wash wasn't even that thorough but it was better than nothing at all. I entered my room, dumped my stuff and was greeted with this sight.

I know it's nothing spectacular but it made me smile.

I had plenty of time to relax and get ready for a night of dancing. We started at the Irish Bar. We played random drinking games that didn't make sense to me. Naturally, I was drinking the most. I decided to have a cocktail to get into the partying mood. A random guy came up to us and asked if anyone wanted to share a bucket (drink) promotion - 500 baht for 3 buckets. A good deal for those who like them. I couldn't stomach it. We all kindly declined. Another guy started talking to me but I was distracted by the drinking games so wasn't fully committed to either. I hoped I didn't come across as rude. The guy departed and someone announced "shots". Before I knew it, I had a tasty looking multi-layered miniature beverage in front off me.

Time for a blowjob: "No hands!!" announced Gemma.

Takes a couple of minutes to adjust my mouth...it has been a while.

So lady-like...

Me, Gemma, Michelle then Emma and Katie (closest to the camera).

We were all in the mood for dancing but the Irish Bar only had a tiny dance floor so we moved on. We went to the Reggae Bar to catch a Thai boxing fight but got bored so went to the beach. The guy from earlier caught up with us. Him and his friend joined us at the Slinky Bar on the beach. It looked like a condensed Full Moon Party. There were people everywhere but I had enough room to breathe, so not quite like a FMP. The music was hit and miss but we had a brilliant night. We danced on the tables, drank beer and got merry. Drew and I walked out to the sea to cool down. It was a beautiful night. Suddenly I saw a figure coming towards us. Some random guy walked out into the sea. I was a little freaked out. It was so surreal. Maybe it was the beer or maybe it really was a weird moment. He came up to us and mumbled something incoherently, realised that he didn't know us, then stumbled off. It was at this point that I thought I best find my friends. They'd already moved on and I had enough weird for the night so went back to my hut on the hill for some shuteye.